This and that

I am feeling hopeful today. Hopeful about decisions I have made. Thankful for my family and friends that have always been there even when I was not a willing participant. Thankful for new friends and "sisters" to help me with my walk that God has planned for me. I guess for today at least I am feeling a little happy.

Strange, since I should be worried about bills. Always bills. Never ending bills. My house is a mess. My 14 year old has a girlfriend that I think is getting too friendly.

Mom & Dad renewing their vows

And since I never mentioned since it was a "surprise," we (my sisters, brother and I) had a surprise 25th anniversary party for my parents last weekend. It was so nice. My parents were somewhat surprised, you know our family can't keep a total secret, but they were surprised to see some people that they have not for a long time. My Mom's brothers and their families came from out of town. It was bittersweet since my Aunt was not there and toward the end of the evening, we too the balloon arch that my parent's renewed their vows under and released it in remembrance of those that were not with us that evening. It was bittersweet to say the least. We all felt her presence and her absence.

Sending Balloons to Heaven

But for today, I am hopeful.

Makeover

So...

My old friend came over last night. I have not seen her for 14 years.

She gave me a makeover. Dyed and cut my hair, did my makeup everything.

I like the hair color, but still can't decide if I like the cut and style. I guess I will try it, but I just don't know.

Here is before and after pics.

Before

After

What do you think?

'See you later' is harder than I thought

Our very close friends, Luke's Godparents are moving away next month some time. I am so sad about this. We have been very close and they watched Luke a lot for me when he was younger and I was working. Luke is very attached to them and so are the other boys. I'm trying not to see it as Goodbye, but 'see you later' but just don't know when that later is going to be. They are not moving far, far but far enough that I know we will not be seeing them very much. It just makes me sad and I am not looking forward to sending them off. I thought I would protest like I have done when the girls went off to college, but protesting got me nowhere. The girls still went off to college and Heather is getting married next year and moving even further away. It just is weighing on my heart today. I know that they are having a moving sale this week, I hope that goes well for them. But wherever they go, they are going to be in our hearts for always.

Old friends

I ran in to a dear old friend today by some fluke. He actually came to the yard looking for work. I was working at the yard today and had to get the application for him. I did not even recognise him until I looked at his driver's license. I recognised the name. Then it came to me who he was. We were pretty good friends in HS. It was nice to see someone from the past. And we talked just like we were back in HS for a little while before I had to get back to work. :) I gave him my email.
Finally a good post!

Cheering for Noah

My friend, Tilda, from one of the Mom's groups that I have belonged to for a couple years now, she is having a very difficult situation and could really use all the prayers that can be sent their way. Last week, her 9 year old son collapsed at swimming. It turns out that he had a massive stroke/brain bleed. I hope I am saying that right. There has been a website set up and I would really appreciate if you could just drop her a line of well wishes.

http://www.hopefornoah.com/

There are some photos of Noah and an update page you can read for the latest updates. He is partially paralyzed on the right side and is having difficulty talking. He has a long rough road ahead to recovery.

Love to you Tilda.

Life and Death

Today is a day like many other for some, but for me, it is eternally the day that my bestest friend in High School passed away from brain cancer. We were thinking that she was improving, but then within a week, she was gone. This was so difficult for me. It has been 16 years since she has been gone. And I can't even explain how hard it is to write that it has been 16 years. I loved her so very much. It was so hard. It was unfair. We were teenagers, teenagers didn't get cancer! Well, they really do get cancer and they really do die from it. I wish that was not the case. I wish that she did not die. I wish that we were able to be there for each other's weddings. The births of our children. But, that was just not God's plan. I feel like I was robbed of my best friend when I needed one so badly. And although it has been 16 years, I still miss her just as much.

She got these floweres for her 16th Birthday. I wonder if it would have made a difference then to know that she was going to be sick.

13 years ago, I had went into the beginning stages of labor with my oldest baby, Dustin. I cryed, he just could not be born on the day that Kimmie had died. I was really upset about it. Thankfully he waited until 4:25am on February 23, 1996. So this day in my mind is all Kim's. I always remember, I always take flowers, and sometimes when I am really having a hard time, I go there and talk to her. I'm not really expecting an answer, but I do feel her presence. I feel her presence around me often. I miss her terribly sometimes. Today is one of those days.

RIP Sweet Kim. I still love you. I wish we had more time.

Tomorrow's another day....

It has been a rainy, dreary day here today. The perfect day to cook meals for the coming week and bake. Today, I made a big pot of potato soup, a crockpot of this wonderful chicken stew that I found the recipe for from another blog, fried green tomatoes, cut watermelon, cantaloupe, and put a crockpot of a breakfast casserole that a good friend sent to me. I didn't get much homework done that is due for tomorrow, but I feel like I got a lot accomplished.
Tomorrow, after church, I have to do some laundry, get my assignments done and hopefully relax a little before beginning another busy week.
There has been a lot on my mind today, the argument with the ex about the boys medication, which still has not got picked up and I can not afford to just go get. There is a really long story there. A dear friend of mine is going through a hard time and I have not heard from her. She has been on my mind. I really would love to take off to Kentucky to be by my MaMaw, but that is nearly impossible with gas prices and I can not afford to take off work right now. I am behind on a couple bills. I'm just feeling depressed today. Tomorrow's another day. Hopefully I will be feeling a little brighter tomorrow.
Until next time...

Family friends and so much more

When I started attending my church in 2001, we instantly became good friends with this family, the C's. They truly are a blessing. They are great people with big hearts. So, it only was natural that when Luke was born that they become his Godparents at his baby dedication. They love that kid so much, well, they love all my kids. And I have watched Heather and Ashlee grow into the best young women that I am so proud to love. These photos were taken when Ashlee graduated High School. It is so hard to grasp that they are all grown up now. No more are the days when they are calling wanting to spend the night at my house. No more are the days that they are coming over just to hang out. They are all grown up with busy lives of their own. Heather even has a serious boyfriend!

Luke seriously loves them so much. They are extended family to him and all of us.
Ashlee has became such a responsible smart young woman, it's hard not to see her as the sweet little girl that she was when I first met her.
Heather just started her 3rd year away from home at college. I am so proud of her, even though I miss her terribly. She is doing good.
This is Ashlee with all my kids. We love them and really they love us back just as much.

**Note, I could not find good photos of Mary and Alan, their parents, but we love them too. :)

And then the music played

My favorite song of all time is Into The Mystic by Van Morrison. Whenever I hear it, I have to stop to listen. It is so relaxing to me. It's strange to me that no matter what kind of mood I am in, I can listen to this song and be a bit more at ease.
So, tell me, is there a song that does this for you? In the middle of your hectic day, you can hear it and it calms you?
Music really is theraputic sometimes.





Not sure if the link to the song is working, but am working on it. Well, actually Christina is helping me work on it :)

**Christina rocks!! She got the code for the song to work, so you can actually hear the song now if you click on the link. THANK YOU CHRISTINA**

A journey in Internetland

Isn't it amazing how you can get so attached to your computer? I sit in front of mine and check blogs reading about other people's lives, posting on a mom's group that I have "met" several women that I actually consider my friends although we have never met, doing my school work online, browsing the Internet. I could go on and on. It is also just as amazing to me that being online can be so stressful with people that you have never personally met and yet have felt so close to.
There was recently an uproar in a group that I belong to that has had me thinking this week about friends, loyalty, and cyberspace. This particular uproar caused great stress for me and quite a few others that I talk to online. It even got me temporarily banned from my mom's group (not a very good feeling) through misunderstanding and maybe a lack of communication. I must add for reference that I do LOVE the mom's group and the wonderful ladies there that have shared experiences and support.
It's hard to feel pressure in life and then also through your computer screen. But, all is well in Internetland this morning. I am happy that there really are friends out there that understand me and I do consider friends despite the fact that we live miles apart and have yet to meet up, close in person. Maybe some day. I can only hope.

Where does the time go?

Yesterday got me thinking about friends and family. It's incredible how things change over the years. You meet new people and lose touch with old friends. When I was young, Frankie was my bestest friend in the whole world! Our mothers were best friends so we did everything together. Frankie was the one person that I thought for sure I would always have contact with. He lives in Arkansas, I live in Indiana. A little hard to keep in touch that way, but we continued to talk on the phone every so often for years. The last time I spoke to him was about five years ago. Since then, he has got married, I have went through my own personal crises, and we have lost touch. I have his Mom's number but I have not called to check in for nearly a year now. Things are just so complicated and time gets away from you.

I was about six, maybe seven years old when this photo was taken.

Life was so much simpler then. I thought that Frankie was going to be around forever. I never thought that we would lose contact with each other. In life's busy day to day happenings, I don't always have time to reflect on how I feel about things from the past. Things I would like to change about the present. What do I want my future. Am I going to be able to pull it off and make my future what I want it to be?

I wonder if he thinks about me like I think about him sometimes? I miss him. Frankie, where ever you are, I still love you. I know we will talk again someday.

Until next time...

Good friends...

I have been friends with Mike since High School. For 18 years we have been friends. He is the only person I actually still talk to from those long lost days of High School. He's such a good friend, probably a better friend to me than I have been to him over the years. He was always there for my kids birthdays, cookouts, and finally when I was divorced. The only friend that I still talk to through the years. The only friend that remained after my divorce. Today, he had a birthday party for his girlfriend. And although I did not necessarily want to go, I am so glad that I did. I loaded up the kids and we went even though I could and probably should have been doing a dozen other things. I sat and talked with Mike and his girlfriend, Bev. There was a woman there that I have not seen for years. We caught up on old times. I had some wine, even did a few shots! So unlike me! I forgot it was fun to be around people. My kids were wondering what happened to their mother. This person laughing and having a good time could not possible be their mother who nags them to do what they are supposed to, stresses over everything and is 'crabby' as they say. Who was this person they saw? OMG, I think it was who I used to be before responsibility got the better of me. I just can't describe how great it was to be there and I will have to make a mental note that it's ok to be more than Mom! Thanks Mike for reminding me that to be me is ok.
Until next time.