Happy Halloween :-)

An extended hand...

OK, so I think I must be messing up the whole keep family at arm's reach thing.
My sister called tonight to ask if Luke and I wanted to go with her and my other sister and my nephews and niece trick or treating. And, since Buck is going to be working and can't go with us, I said yes, I'll go with them. She even offered to pick me and Luke up and bring us home since I am blind as a bat at night. It is seriously scary to drive with me in the dark.
I actually missed being around the family, but there still is reservations there that I just can not seem to let go of. I mean the last couple times that I have been around them, things have been fine and I actually had a good time. But with the family, comes all the family drama that I had separated myself from for the last two years. I'm still trying to find my place in this new territory. If that makes any sense.
Don't get me wrong, it is nice to be around family. I want my kids to be around family. It's just hard to 'forget' why I chose to remove myself from that family to begin with. I have not by any means forgot. I don't know that I ever will. But I want to raise my kids around family to an extent. Not smothering in family, but around them. It's so hard to explain.
Anyone else have this feeling of what to do from here?

Too many thoughts

Lots going on right now. Too many thoughts swimming around in my head. There is all this new beginnings with my family that I am trying to adjust to. I'm in my third week of these classes and then I will be finished with my associates degree. But what kind of job can I get with that?? I don't know. I haven't even started looking yet. I still don't know what the living arrangements are going to be with Buck and I and the kids. We've talked about it a couple times, and that has been it. Just many thoughts going on here.

My Lukey Bear

Tomorrow my baby turns 5 years old. I can hardly believe that 5 years has went by already. Of course, I know this is how it went with the older two kids. But maybe it's because he is the baby or maybe because I know that he is the last baby. Maybe I'm just hormonal. It just feels kinda sad that he is growing up so fast and I don't know where the time has gone.

Fw: T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, 'T-G-I-F.' He smiled at her and replied, 'S-H-I-T.' She looked puzzled and repeated, 'T-G-I-F,' more slowly. He again answered, 'S-H-I-T.' The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, 'T-G-I-F.' The man smiled back to her and once again said, 'S-H-I-T.' The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?' The man answered, ''S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, it's Thursday'

Changes

I should be working on homework, but I don't feel like it.
I have been sick. I went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotics.
We had a really nice birthday party for Luke on Sunday. My mother actually planned the whole thing. It was nice. I did not have to do anything, just show up with Luke. That was nice too. It was weird, but nice to be around the whole family after all this time. I reconciled with my sister after almost two years now. I was not speaking to her as well as my mother. Well, really, I separated myself from the whole family when this incident happened with my mother. I think that we have come a long way in the last couple months. But there are still apprehensions there for me because of the past. I don't want to get sucked into the same patterns that were there before.
My sister is having a birthday party for my niece this coming Sunday. I agreed to bring the kids. I was hoping to slowly work with this, but my niece's birthday is just two days after Luke's, so she already had a party planned for her before this unexpected party for Luke. I will go like I said I will. We'll see how it goes.
I guess time helps to heal wounds, but does it help change people too?? I guess only time will tell.

Label Cloud!! :-)

Yea!! I did it!! I did it!! I figured out how to make the label cloud for the blog page!! I did it!! I must have read it about a hundred times how to edit html and the layout, but finally, I did it!! Yea!! I think it looks cool!