I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do. My boys have decided that they want to live with their abusive father because he just lets them do whatever they want. I'm living at home with my parents because I have spent so much money on attorneys trying to keep the boys out of that situation. I'm miserable at my parent's. I don't have the cash to move out at the moment. Dustin is smoking despite my repeated trying to talk to him about it and why he should not be smoking. Myles has a giant ship on his shoulder and does nothing but give me an attitude. Luke is picking up on their bad habits of talking back and he is getting into more and more trouble. I feel like everything is spinning out of control and I have no one to talk to about it. I want to just go to bed and never wake up. I know that sounds bad but that is totally how I have been feeling. Buck is lying to me again. I would love to just walk away from everyone and start new somewhere, but then I would need to have the cash to do that and I don't have it right now. I'm so sorry to vent here all the time and be so negative. It's depressing. I just wish something would go right for me for once in my life.
OK, off the pity pot. I'm going to bed, tomorrows another day. Luke starts 2nd grade tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Just checking in
Luke made it back from Evansville, spoiled as usual. He is lucky to have such great Godparents. School starts here on August 17th. I am so glad the boys will be back in school. The summer seems to have went by fast. I have some unspoken prayer requests. I am going through a hard time emotionally and spiritually and really could use the prayers. Things just never seem to get better. I know that is not the optimistic way to view things, but really, when does it let up?
My boys have decided that even after all that is going on with CPS and what their Dad has done, they want to go back to spending half their time with him. It has me feeling let down and really taken advantage of, because it's like they have a total disregard for what I do for them and what I continue to do for them. I don't want to be going through this again, and their father just does not see anything wrong with what he does, he never has. Nothing is ever his fault. I don't want my kids growing up with this thinking, but I see it in them some already, no matter how hard I try to teach them otherwise.
We were temporarily staying with my parents, but that is carrying over to the school year, which I am not happy about, but my Dad got laid off work and with my Mom already laid off, they need the financial assistance too. So, things just are not going good, and there are other things going on beyond my control, that I just have to pray about and hope that things turn out for the best. That is just a hard thing to do sometimes.
My boys have decided that even after all that is going on with CPS and what their Dad has done, they want to go back to spending half their time with him. It has me feeling let down and really taken advantage of, because it's like they have a total disregard for what I do for them and what I continue to do for them. I don't want to be going through this again, and their father just does not see anything wrong with what he does, he never has. Nothing is ever his fault. I don't want my kids growing up with this thinking, but I see it in them some already, no matter how hard I try to teach them otherwise.
We were temporarily staying with my parents, but that is carrying over to the school year, which I am not happy about, but my Dad got laid off work and with my Mom already laid off, they need the financial assistance too. So, things just are not going good, and there are other things going on beyond my control, that I just have to pray about and hope that things turn out for the best. That is just a hard thing to do sometimes.
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