Where have I been?

     It's been such a long time since I have came to this place. So much has happened. I am happier. I feel like a stronger person. My children are growing up so fast. Dustin has graduated. I can't believe my baby has graduated. The school does not have mid-term graduation so he will walk with his class in June for Graduation, but he has met all the requirements for his diploma and no longer needs to attend class. He is looking for a full time job. He has a girlfriend who has helped him in so many ways. I have literally saw him grow up before my eyes. He is a responsible young man with a good head on his shoulders. I'm so proud of him. Dustin comes to me to talk about important things he is going through, this is something I could never before imagined happening. He has matured and I have also learned different ways to communicate with him. He hated me and everything for so long that this is such an answered prayer for me. CI only dreamed of having this kind of a relationship with him. 
     Myles is a Sophomore this year.  Again, where has the time gone? He turns sixteen in a couple days. My baby Myles is going to be sixteen. He is doing better in school but it is still a struggle to make him get up in the morning and go to school. He tests the limits I have set for him every chance he gets. I have to be all over him about his grades, and he is doing well. He is still getting used to having rules and guidance that he did not get living with his father. 
     Luke is in 5th grade this year. Wow. He turned 11 in October. My Lukey Bear is growing up so very fast. I sometimes wish I could stop time to slow down this growing up thing. His ADHD poses issues with homework and attitude that sometimes is overwhelming and I have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. It is a learning process for everyone. I wonder what he thinks sometimes. I wonder if my frustrations with him will forever change him? I am not the most patient person and sometimes it feels like I am exasperated a lot with him. I don't mean to be, I try to remember that he is just 11, and that the ADHD is difficult for him too, I try to also remember that he is my baby and that it won't always be this way. I try to hang on to this time I have with him because very soon his friends are going to become more important than Mom and Dad. He's not going to want to spend the weekends with his parents, he's going to want to be with his friends. It's a natural part of him growing up. I worry constantly that his ADHD will contribute to poor impulse choices. I worry that I am doing everything wrong. Don't all parents worry they are doing it all wrong?
     I am in such a great place with Buck. We love each other more than either of us could have realized. When I think of my future, I can not see the future without him in it. I worry about him so much. He's getting older and works so hard. He hasn't had a real check up with the doctor, EVER. He goes for the yearly DOT physical, but that does not include blood work, a prostate exam, things that a man of 54 should be having checked out. I worry that something will happen to him. I love him so much, I can't imagine my life without him in it. He is my one and only. Like we were meant for each other. I know it sounds corny, but that is what is in my heart. 
     Sorry I'm such a terrible blogger. It has been almost a year since my last post. I always say I'll try to be better about it, but then I always feel that there is nothing exciting in my life that anyone would want to read about. Maybe I need a blog project, a challenge, something. I'll think about it and maybe in the New Year I can start something.  Right now, I have too many projects started at home that I need to finish first. I am crocheting a bunch of granny squares for an afghan, when I go to Mamaw's in March she is going to show me how to sew them all together. I am sewing cloth pads for my stash and hopefully setting up an Etsy store to sell some if I get good at it. And then there is all the Christmas baking, decorating, cooking and then all the clean up from that. 
     So my blog project will have to wait a little bit. 
     I hope everyone is doing well and that Christmas is a happy time filled with family and love.

I'm alive

I have so much to update. And photos to post. Things are pretty much the same here, as usual. I didm't want anyone to think that I have fallen off the face of the earth or anything. Hopefully tomorrow, I can update and post some photos.

I'm so glad I got a dog

I have got to do something. I feel so depressed.
The Psych just keeps changing my meds which is sending me in emotional circles. I feel like I am spiraling out of control sometimes. She just changes another medication or adds another or takes one off. This crazy cocktail. I don't even know if it's working, but she reassures me I should continue with the meds. Most of the time, I wonder.
Buck. Buck. Buck......
I am still letting him see Luke but it is killing me. It kills me that he's calling everyday to talk to Luke. I don't talk to Buck when he calls, but just knowing that he's on the phone...
These are all things that he said "Oh, I don't have time for this" He has picked Luke up for some weekends, and I'm happy that Luke has him, but knowing that he lied and cheated on me and my son thinks that he's just great, it makes me mad. Suddenly, he has time now to be with Luke that he never had before or wanted to have for before, and really I think that he does it more for his own benefit than for Luke. It's so he's not completely alone all the time, and Luke worships him. It makes me sad. It makes me cry. It makes me angry.
I can't move on. I can't go back. I don't see the future.
I have prayed and prayed about this and I just don't hear any answers.
Realistically, I know that Buck and I could never be together again. I could never trust him again. I know this. But, my heart, well it just does not listen.
OK, enough of my pity party. I have some chores to do before I go to bed.

A recent road trip

I went on a road trip this past weekend with my baby sister. It was a long ride but fun. It was nice to get away from everyone for a couple days. We went to pick up my Ma Maw in Kentucky for her Dr appointment up here for her foot. It was a very long ride back. My Ma Maw, what can I say? It is hard to imagine that I love her so much and at the very same time aggravates me beyond sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that I still have her with me. I just don't understand the way she is sometimes. I guess I don't have to understand, just accept it. Sometimes, it is just difficult to do. Anyway...
We also saw my Uncle Dave who was recently sent home with hospice and no further chemo. He was diagnosed in March with pancreatic cancer. When we walked in, I honestly did not even recognize him sitting in the chair. It was a shock even though I know that he has been sick and that the outcome is not what everyone had hoped and prayed for, but I was still surprised. He does not look like himself at all. He does not seem himself either. He's there, but then again, he's not. It was sad. I don't even know what to say to my Aunt. It is certain that her husband is going to die. Really, it is just a matter of time. I hope that they have more time together but only the Lord knows how long that will be. She is totally emotionally unprepared for this and I doubt that she will ever be. How do you brace yourself for that?
Please lift their family in prayer.

09-09-09

Have not posted much here lately. Nothing very positive to write so I'm just gonna give you all an update. Gramma was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was sent home with no treatment plan. She had a prescription list that had I filled all the medication would have cost $1100.00 at Walgreens today! I did not fill them all, obviously! She only has about $1000 life insurance policy so I am so so worried about how to have a funeral for her with no money? She has no money, her kids have no money, and $1000 won't go far at all.
My MaMaw went home and has been doing good on her own down there. She was telling me that she is having a lot of pain in her heal so she may have moved the screw from standing on it too much. But, we will not know about that until she comes back up to see the orthopedic doctor later this month.
My brother is a proud new homeowner and we're expecting the arrival of his baby in February. I hope it's another boy. There is a whole other post right there, but I'll save that for another time.
Oh, and I told Buck that this is not working for me and that I don't think that we should be pretending anymore that it is going to. So, in my head, we are not together. But apparently in his head, things are ok. He is calling like every day like everything is normal. I love you hunny and all. I know that he completely knew what I was saying when I wassaying it. But, anyway, I brought home a bunch of stuff from his house today while he was at work and will be working on getting more stuff back here over the next week.
So, right now, I am just tring to keep my head above water and deal with things as they are coming my way.
"I can do all things through He who strengthens me..." (I don't know the exact verse, but love the quote)

Gramma

The lady I care for was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer this past Wednesday. It is not really surprising since she has been a very heavy smoker for years and years, but I was still in shock a little to hear the news. Sad too. I know I have complained about her on her before but I do care about her very much. She is being sent home on Monday with no treatment plan. There will be a visiting nurse, therapist, and home helper until we may need further assistance like hospice.
She just said to me that she wanted to outlive her husband who has been in a nursing home for 4 years. He is 91, but seems healthy for his age except he has Alzheimer's. I promised her that if something happened to her that I would still look after him.

On and On and On

So, My class started again last week. I am already struggling with the reading and assignments like I did last time. Emotionally, I have just felt drained and depressed. I do not feel that Buck and I are going to be together much longer. Luke will be starting school soon and we will not be spending as much time there and I honestly do not feel Buck is going to make the effort to come out here. So we are drifting apart. And really, I have known that this was going to come. It's no surprise to me at all, disappointing, but no surprise. It is what it is.
My Ma Maw will be spending the weekend with me next weekend. I really think that my sister is needing a break and I am more than happy to help with her care. I just don't know how I am going to get very much else done with her here. I started my classes again this past Tuesday and I am still struggling with keeping up with the reading and the assignments. I have to complete this class this time. I HAVE TO. This is the third time I am taking it, and it is going to affect my financial aide if I do not take it now.
I go for the second night of my sleep study this Tuesday and have the follow-up appointment with the Endocrinologist this Thursday. Hopefully they will have some answers for me.
Oh, and my brother sprung the news yesterday that his girlfriend is pregnant. So if Phil is happy about this then the rest of the family must be happy for him as well. And who does not love babies that you can send home? But, I sense that she may have felt turbulance in that relationship and after over 3 years, well her birth conrtol pills stopped working? I really think he should have had so say in the timing of that, but again, if my brother is happy, then I am happy for him. I hope we keep the boy streak going. So far out of 7 Grandkids, we only have one girl. We need another boy.
Until next time....

Updating

My Ma Maw's surgery went well. She is in some pain, but she looks great and I think that she is doing really well. I went to see her today. Her toes are straight on that foot. The first time I think I have ever seen her toes straight. She is in a cast now and can not put any weight on that foot, so she is basically stuck at my sister's house where someone is home all the time. It sucks really, cause I would like to pick her up and bring her home with me for a few days like we were doing before the surgery but I really have no way to get her in the house. So, for right now, I will go to my sister's to visit with her. But she is fine. I had so much anxiety about her surgery the night before she went in, I could not sleep all night. I just could not stop thinking that what if something went wrong? But, everything went good and I am thankful for that. I really hope that this will help her to be in less pain. Love you Ma Maw.

Intermission

A few updates
I have been very discontent lately. I'm not sure why. I just feel unhappy and depressed. I am trying to pull myself out of it, but I am finding it increasingly difficult. I'm sure that my meds need adjusting, but I have been unable to actually go see the psychiatrist since the insurance change left me with her not on the provider list and others had a wait. Now last week I call again and am told that she is on the provider list but she is going on vacation and will not be in until the end of the month. So, I have medication to last me. I just think that maybe we need to change the meds.
I am going for a sleep study at the end of this month. I am hoping to find answers for my excessive and very loud snoring that Buck keeps complaining about. He actually gets up to sleep on the couch or just goes to the couch to sleep instead of going to bed with me, which has also been bothering me. I know that he needs to sleep too. I know that he is a light sleeper. But still it bothers me that we are just falling into these routines that are in my opinion very unhealthy for our already complicated relationship. And, when he does sleep with me and he has been woke up by my snoring, he gets angry and shitty with me like I am snoring just to keep him awake or something. It's ridiculous.
I also have a follow up appointment with the Endocrinologist at the end of this month. I will find out the results from the extensive blood tests that they did. And hopefully they will have some answers for me and get me feeling better.
My Ma Maw's surgery is finally scheduled for this coming up Wednesday. I am worried for her but know that this surgery will improve her walking and hopefully relieve her of some pain that she has had from her foot being so distorted and walking on the inside of her ankle. Time will tell. She will remain up here at my sister's house to recover since she will not be able to put any weight on that foot for 6 to 8 weeks.
I start back with my classes for my Bachelor's degree on July 21st and I totally am not ready to do that, but I can not take off any more time without it affecting my financial aide. So, I must start again. I don't know how I am going to be able to concentrate on that with so many things going on and my mind is just not in the right place to start with new classes. I hope that I can get into gear with that. I need to. I have to.
I have been quiet lately, well at least where blogging is concerned. I have been feeling so negative about almost everything, and I just don't want to spread that negativity around. It's already all around me. Feels like it is swallowing me up. I feel like I am drowning in it.

'See you later' is harder than I thought

Our very close friends, Luke's Godparents are moving away next month some time. I am so sad about this. We have been very close and they watched Luke a lot for me when he was younger and I was working. Luke is very attached to them and so are the other boys. I'm trying not to see it as Goodbye, but 'see you later' but just don't know when that later is going to be. They are not moving far, far but far enough that I know we will not be seeing them very much. It just makes me sad and I am not looking forward to sending them off. I thought I would protest like I have done when the girls went off to college, but protesting got me nowhere. The girls still went off to college and Heather is getting married next year and moving even further away. It just is weighing on my heart today. I know that they are having a moving sale this week, I hope that goes well for them. But wherever they go, they are going to be in our hearts for always.

Old friends

I ran in to a dear old friend today by some fluke. He actually came to the yard looking for work. I was working at the yard today and had to get the application for him. I did not even recognise him until I looked at his driver's license. I recognised the name. Then it came to me who he was. We were pretty good friends in HS. It was nice to see someone from the past. And we talked just like we were back in HS for a little while before I had to get back to work. :) I gave him my email.
Finally a good post!

Crazy scheduling coming up, please disregard the current program interruption....

This week just seems to be so busy. I work in the morning, have to pick up Dustin and Myles from the Dad. I have an appointment with that Endocrinologist tomorrow at 3pm. After that, I have to figure out something to make the children some dinner. My Ma Maw is up here now and we/my sister is trying to get her surgery scheduled for hear foot. She has to be cleared by a doctor in the St. Anthony network and also have a Doppler on her leg all before they will set a surgery date. She has already been told that she will not be able to put any weight on it for 6 to 8 weeks. Of course, I worry about her, but she really needs this surgery.
My other sister has some issues going on in her relationship and personally that she just does not want to face or that she just is not ready to deal with. I do not think that they as parents, realize that everything they do affects my 2 year old nephew. And I can not really write more about it here, because some of my family members may read my blog since I have never kept it a secret. And I do not want to add any more fuel to the fire going there.
Buck started a new job yesterday. He seems to like it, for now. He always seems to get really geared up for the next new job and then shortly afterward, well, he's unhappy about the pay or what he has to do or the tools that he has to constantly carry around. They are getting him too cheap, and he knows that this place is getting him too cheap, he just needed to get out of that last job. We will see what happens with this, I suspect that in 6 months or so, he will start looking for another job that will pay him more.
I also have another appointment on Monday after work for my ear. It is still infected. It is sore and swollen. It still has crap in there, so I think I need more antibiotics to fully get rid of it. I still have drops to put in there, but I think it is not enough. This last course just was not enough. I don't know what to do about all these ear infections. I have had more and more of them in the last ten years.
This weekend coming up is going to be one of my nephew's birthday party, which also happens to be on Father's Day. Buck is probably going to be working, so he will not be with us at my sister's and Luke will have to see his Dad later in the evening to give him his gift and cards.
I can not think of anything else to update about at the moment. I have some photos to upload, but the camera battery is dead, and right now, I am just too lazy to set it up to the computer, so that will have to be another day.

Another good checkup

Myles appointment went fine. No change in anything which is what we want. We go back in another 6 months. The Doc said that at least for the next 2 years every 6 months appointments will be good and then once a year after that. So this is good. I know that he is fine, but still, I can not help but worry. I try not to, but I can't help it. So, he is 3 years cancer free!! How awesome is that! So happy and blessed.
Until next time...

Just wonderful

OK, so I broke down and took the cat to the vet. I think that the vet is a quack. He seems to think that Smokey has spontaneously developed allergies even though not a single thing in his environment has changed! His skin is not even red one bit where he has apparently licked the fur off. It's not terrible like the cat is bald or anything, but I was worried about it and I guess I just confirmed that he is fine and just maybe bored and over grooming himself. So, I wasted $70 for the vet to tell me that out of the blue the cat has allergies and that I can buy him some allergy pills for $65 for a month supply. And change his food because the food that he has ate for the last like five years is now maybe causing an allergy. Hmmm. Just great. Thanks Mr. No Explanation, I don't think we will be coming back to see you any time soon.

Random thoughts

I don't have a real structured post today, not that my posts are usually structured, cause I have not had a real steady stream of thoughts lately, just things constantly going through my head. Rambling.
Today was such a long day. My boss had a bunch of stuff that he wanted me to take care of, and of course, waited until the last 2 hours of the day to tell me everything. So, I was rushing and I hate that. It stresses me out.
Tomorrow is the last day of school for the boys. They are so happy to be off for the summer break. That just means that it is closer that Luke will be going to school this fall and Dustin will be in middle school when school resumes. Myles, thankfully, he will still be in the elementary school for another couple years. The cat is still losing a little more hair. I go for the Endocrinologist appointment on Tuesday and then Myles will have his 6 month check up at the Children's hospital. I'm sure his scans will be good again, I just can not help but stress over it every time we have to go.
I'm worried about money as usual. There are more bills than I can afford to pay. I still have not been able to find a job with that degree I have! So glad that I have student loans totalling more than $23,000 and no job to accompany that. Kinda seems pointless to have the piece of paper right about now.
Oh, yeah, tomorrow, the kids get out of school early since it is the last day. After work, I have to go grocery shopping for Gramma, Luke has to be picked up from daycare, Dustin has an appointment in Merrillville at 5pm, Myles has a baseball game at 5pm in Highland, don't know how I am going to be in two different towns at the same time...
I think that my Mom may take Myles to his game, but even then, she has to work and I don't know how I am going to get him to her and still have Dustin to his appointment on time. I just hate days like that. So, until next time....

Pointless rambling

Not much going on this weekend. The kids let me sleep in this morning, which was really nice. Decided to stay in my PJ's all day. I am hopelessly addicted to the Farm Town game on Facebook and have wasted way too much time online today. Monday we are having a cookout at my parent's house.
In other news, I got Luke's results from the Kindergarten Roundup, overall, I think he did pretty good. He was average in some things, above average in others and on the lower of average on one assessment. I know not to read too much into these right now. And he is going to be placed in the afternoon class as I had requested, so that is good. It will work out so much better with daycare and having to pick the older kids up from school as well.
I made pork and cabbage last night for dinner, it was great! Today I made lime chicken in the crock pot...I really love the crock pot. I cut up a watermelon after dinner, I swear it was gone in about 5 minutes, I kid you not.
Oh yeah, I finally made myself an appointment with the doctor on Thursday. I was in the office for 3 hours! (Which is why I put off going there so much.) Of course, I had Luke with me and he was getting bored and tired of being there as I was too. The doctor actually saw me for about 5 minutes or less and then sent me to the lab for a blood test. We waited some more at the lab. When we finally got back there, Luke was standing by the wall because there was only the chair for the patient to get blood work done. I told him "don't touch anything" and the lab technician said "oh yeah, you better come over here away from there, there are needles on that table" well naturally, I about bit her head off, cause 1) I was sitting right there, 2) He was not touching anything to begin with 3) I already had it under control without her opening her mouth to tell my kid what to do when I was sitting right there. It just made me so angry. He wasn't touching anything, he was not misbehaving. So, I feel she had no business saying anything to my kid since I was right there. Anyway, I finally went because I have been very depressed, I have gained about 50 pounds in the last year (which is also depressing), I have been so so crabby and moody, my hair has been falling out so bad everyday that my hair is noticeably thinner, and I just generally do not feel good. Well, the doctor says that those are all symptoms of a slow thyroid. He ordered a blood test and I will find out the results on Tuesday. He also gave me a script for allergies, which is nothing new. Darn sinuses and allergies.
So, this weekend I am staying home and trying to relax and then Monday we are going to my parent's. My Mom has been bugging the crap out of me since Thursday about can Luke spend the night, can Myles spend the night, can Dustin spend the night! Does she not realize that my kids spend half their time with me and half of the time with my ex, so this is MY weekend. And then I have to point that out to her. Seriously, come on.
Maybe I will get some good photos this weekend. Well, enough rambling for now.
Until next time.....

Just for the record...

I really hate scooping the cat box!
It is Dustin's job mostly, but when they are with their Dad, well, I have to and I really hate it. But, Smokey must have a clean place to do his business, so, I shall do it until Dustin gets here! Poor Dustin.
Just for the record.

Worry, worry, worry and repeat

After a crazy, busy week I am looking forward to staying home this weekend in my PJ's. I have tons of homework to catch up on that I have managed to neglect all week. Now I have to work on that this weekend. I don't know that I will ever get totally caught up now, since I am almost two whole weeks behind and the class is only five weeks long. We shall see what happens this weekend. I am optimistic, but reserved about it as well.

My sister took Ma Maw home to Kentucky today. I have to say that I am sad that she has left. I always feel like it is the last time that I am going to see her and I hate feeling like that. I have serious anxiety about it. I do call her daily, but it is never the same as being with her and spending time with her.

Myles managed to step on a nail at his Dad's house and his foot is now infected. Dustin had hours of homework to do last night. He actually stayed up later than I did. Then, he did not finish it until this morning before we left for school. I also found out just tonight that the Middle School orientation for the parents is this coming Tuesday of which Dustin failed to mention. He doesn't feel that we should have to know about the Middle School, he's going there, not the parents. Or perhaps his father already knew about it and failed to share that information, which could totally be possible as well. Either way, I am going to be there Tuesday, because I want to know what is going on and it is my responsibility to know what is going on with his school, whether Dustin or his Dad likes it or not. It really is awesome that the school sends out emails of what's happening next week. Thank you.

And, oh, geez, the family drama just never ends. Did I mention before that I had not missed that in the time that I was not speaking to them? I'm sure I must have mentioned it before. Nothing big really, just normal family drama, you know, everyone has to deal with it at some time, I am sure.

I went to the grocery store for Gramma (the old lady that I take care of that drives me out of my mind!). I am so conflicted about the situation with her. I got suckered in to taking care of her just by taking her to the doctor one time, then she somehow became my responsibility. And, really I feel bad that she has no one else to take care of her. But she calls me several times a day (lonely), but I just do not have time to be one the phone all the time and it never fails that she calls when I am at work or totally busy. Then I have to find time to go to the store for her and deliver her stuff to her and sort her pills, pick up her pills, take out the garbage, pick up her bills, pay her bills, go to some doctor appointments, take care of the paperwork for the nursing home for her husband, things like that. Which is all fine, but I have my own family, two jobs, three kids, and I am attending school full time online. The kids are in sports and have practices and games and swim meets will be soon starting for the summer season for Dustin. I just do not have time for this sometimes, then I feel guilty cause I think well, just do it and not complain. What else can I do? Buck thinks I am crazy for doing all that for her with no pay, but she really has no one else to take care of her and she really can not afford to pay me. She is 88, almost 89 years old, so what else can I do? Suck it up and take care of her.

Well, I do not know how that turned into a rant about Gramma, but OK. I was actually wanting to post about something Luke did that just really scared me to death and I am not sure if I handled it good or got through to him, so I am turning to the Internets to help me out here.
OK, here's the story, I will try to keep it short, but can't promise anything. We went to Gramma's to drop off her groceries. Luke always helps me carry in her things, I put some things away and label some things for her since she is legally blind. Well, she needed me to sort some of her pills that she got mixed up, so I told Luke to stay in the living room, I went into the bedroom to sort the pills, maybe 5 minutes, but in that time, Luke went outside even though he was told to stay in the living room. We never totally close the patio door cause Gramma smokes A LOT and I can barely breathe in there and try to leave as soon as possible cause we both have asthma and when we leave, we smell like smoke which I do not like either. So, I sort her pills and go out to the living room, and Luke is not in the living room, he went outside. I look outside, I don't see him. My heart sinks. I call him and he says, "I'm over here Mom, I'm talking to Jim." Well, first off, why the hell are you outside and who the hell is Jim? Well, Jim flashes his US Census Bureau ID, but really I don't care who he is, Luke is not supposed to be outside, and he surely is not supposed to be talking to strangers. I not so politely told Jim that I do not care who he is, that Luke is not supposed to be talking to strangers and proceed to flip out on Luke cause 1) he is outside when I said to wait in the living room, 2) he is talking to a stranger, 3) this Jim didn't think to say, well, does your Mom know you are outside by yourself?, and 4) HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO STRANGERS!!! I can not tell you how many times we have talked about this. It scared the hell out of me. Had this been some child predator or whatever, Luke could have been gone! And, we have talked about this so many times. I gave him the third degree, I whipped him over it (I know, some may not agree, but I whipped him), I talked to him some more, I told him that he could NEVER see us again if someone were to take him becasue he was with a stranger. His Dad talked to him about it some more. I was so scared about what could have happened. I was disappointed. I was so angry because we have talked about it so many times and I was sure that Luke would not do that because we had told him so many times. I was also angry cause why would that guy not say hey, where's your Mom or Does she know you are out here? That guy was just out there talking to my 5 year old!

So please tell me Internets, what would you do? Have you had similar incidents? How do you get this in your kids head that they can not talk to strangers that there are people out there that will take you? What am I doing wrong? Or right? Please give me some advice here, I am really needing it about this one.

Get moving already!

I just started a new class, this is the second week. I do not feel motivated at all. I have not read all the material from last week. I have not started the reading material from this week. I don't want to read it. I have not even started on my paper that was due yesterday. I just can not seem to get my head together to go with this class. I have to take it. I have to do the work, I just can't find it in me this class. I really need to get things moving. These classes only last for five weeks so I can not afford to fall behind and I have already started off behind. It does not feel good.

Back to the books

Well, as of today, my leave of absence I requested for school is over. My new class started today. Really, I was not ready to start back, but I suppose that if I stayed out any longer, then it would be just that much harder to start back again. I still do not feel focused on the readings and schedule, hopefully it will come to me soon.

My Ma Maw has been up here since before Easter, it has been wonderful to have her here and be able to spend time with her. My kids are enjoying being around Ma Maw too. I don't want her to go home. Luke was too funny, I left him with Ma Maw while I was at work for a couple hours and she had him handing her things and getting heavy things out of the fridge for her and he told her "Ma Maw, you're a lot of work!" She thought that was the funniest thing.

I took Luke for Kindergarten round up this past week. He was so excited to see the school he will be going to and to ride on the school bus. They did the testing for Kindergarten and when we left, I asked him if they asked him anything he did not know, he looked at me like I was crazy and said NO! He is so excited about it, but has asked me a couple times what will happen if he can not find the classroom. I have assured him that he will not get lost in the school and if he has a problem, any adult can help him. I am happy and sad that he will be starting school this fall. My last baby is going to school.

Luke's Godmother was in the hospital this past weekend. They are testing her heart and think that maybe she is not getting enough oxygen to the top part of her heart. I am praying that she will get the medical attention that she is needing and take care of herself. Please pray for her.

This past weekend, Myles was acting so bad, I do not know what his problem was, but he was seriously in trouble. He would not listen to a thing I told him to do, he was stalling about doing his chores, he was stalling about getting a bath, he was stalling about going to bed, he was arguing with Luke constantly and literally about everything. By the time he went to his Dad's house Sunday night, he was on my last nerve! But everyone survived. I just hope that he is acting better when I pick him up this week.

Sunday after church, we went to my parents house. Buck was helping them install a door and new floor in the kitchen. Mom ordered pizza for everyone for dinner. Buck says we are all too loud! I have no idea what he is talking about!

Dustin and I will be going to volunteer at a local soup kitchen this Thursday with other volunteers from our church. I am looking forward to going, but Dustin has stated that he does not want to go. I'm taking him anyway, because I feel it will be a good thing for him to do and witness that some people do not have the things that he has. I am just hoping that it will make him have a better understanding that it is hard to get through life sometimes. I hope it just teaches him something and it will be just me and him going. My Mom is going to be watching Luke and Myles while we go.

Until next time...