Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dustin is officially 13!

I've been so busy this is the first chance I have had to post. Dustin's birthday party was good. All the family was there, my brother and sister got into an argument, my youngest nephew fell and hurt his eye. Nothing out of the ordinary! LOL Dustin thought he was so cool, all dressed up. He was even pleasant to everyone and really seemed to be happy. I was glad for that. My Mom made some awesome lasagna and garlic bread.
I promise to post photos to Flicker as soon as I get to my computer, just wanted to update.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Life and Death

Today is a day like many other for some, but for me, it is eternally the day that my bestest friend in High School passed away from brain cancer. We were thinking that she was improving, but then within a week, she was gone. This was so difficult for me. It has been 16 years since she has been gone. And I can't even explain how hard it is to write that it has been 16 years. I loved her so very much. It was so hard. It was unfair. We were teenagers, teenagers didn't get cancer! Well, they really do get cancer and they really do die from it. I wish that was not the case. I wish that she did not die. I wish that we were able to be there for each other's weddings. The births of our children. But, that was just not God's plan. I feel like I was robbed of my best friend when I needed one so badly. And although it has been 16 years, I still miss her just as much.

She got these floweres for her 16th Birthday. I wonder if it would have made a difference then to know that she was going to be sick.

13 years ago, I had went into the beginning stages of labor with my oldest baby, Dustin. I cryed, he just could not be born on the day that Kimmie had died. I was really upset about it. Thankfully he waited until 4:25am on February 23, 1996. So this day in my mind is all Kim's. I always remember, I always take flowers, and sometimes when I am really having a hard time, I go there and talk to her. I'm not really expecting an answer, but I do feel her presence. I feel her presence around me often. I miss her terribly sometimes. Today is one of those days.

RIP Sweet Kim. I still love you. I wish we had more time.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dinner with the family

So, last night I am still in the area, not on my way home, so I called my Mom to ask her what was for dinner! Hey, I figure that my baby sister and my brother do it all the time, so why couldn't I? Well, of course, she says "Well, what do you want for dinner?" My Dad wanted pizza, so we ended up going out to this pizza place. I had never been there, it was nice. It was me, Dustin, Myles, Luke, my Mom, my Dad, my brother, my sister, and my 2 year old nephew.
I guess, I have never really thought about it too much, but my Lord, we are so loud when we are all together! It was really nice to spend time with them and, well, it was just really nice. And, I did not have to cook dinner! That was good too. =)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Call me crazy

So this last week has been absolutely crazy. Super busy at work. Super busy with assignments for this class that started last week, and actually I am behind in the reading. The kids have different things going on. I spent half the weekend last weekend at my sister's house, which was really great to just be with the family, but I should have been doing schoolwork. But, I really feel that my sister needs support right now with some situations that she is having to deal with and I want her to know that I am here for her and the family. In my absence from the family, I never really noticed how much I did in fact miss them.

I am mentally trying to prepare for my baby to go to school, which is going to bring big changes with my living arrangements and also the schedule with my older boys. I FINALLY got new tires on my van and found that I need sway bars, whatever those are and the tires cost more than I had expected. I still have bills that have yet to be paid. I really want shopping therapy, but I have learned from past experiences that shopping really does not make things better, but further the financial problems. So, that is not an option.

I still have not been able to find an adequate job, which is stressing me out. I know it is a terrible time to be looking for a job with the economy in the dump that it is in, but I seriously need to find a better job. I love my job at the Inn, but I don't get paid enough and I am tired of cleaning up after people, when I could actually be making more money in a field that I worked hard to get a degree in, but the jobs just are not out there right now. So, I will have to stick it out where I am until something happens otherwise.

I am hating the fact that it looks like Luke's Godparents may be moving to Kentucky. It's about four hours from here where they would be moving, but the chances of us going to visit very often are unlikely. And if his Godparents and their girls are all there, then what reason would they have to come back here to visit? It just makes me sad. These people are literally like family to us and I hate the fact that they are going to be leaving the area. It is an opportunity for them to start over and mend feelings among their family, I will just miss them, and I know that Luke will miss them so very much.

And, lastly in this small novel of an update, Dustin turns 13 on Monday. I have to say that I am not looking forward to it at all. He already is such a handful with his attitude and I really don't know a better way to describe how he acts and talks to me and his thinking about things. I know that some would say, "Well, he's a teenager. Get used to it. It's not going to get better." These are comments that I do not want to hear. I rationally realize that he won't be like this forever, but right now, dealing with him, he says very hurtful things, he does not listen to me, I get nasty looks whenever I talk to him, he does not feel that I should be telling him what to do or how to do it, he does not do what I tell him to do until I am yelling at him to get it done, he blatantly disrespects me and I don't know what to do with him. But I have to deal with it, I am his Mom, but sometimes, it is just really difficult. But, on Sunday, we will have him a Birthday party and hopefully he will be happy and it will be good.

So, this is a little of what is going on lately. Oh, and now all of a sudden, Buck has a guilty conscience about not going with me anywhere, so he is going to make a conscious effort to go with me. I feel torn in multiple directions. Oh, and did I mention that when I went to see Dr. Shrink this week, that she changed up my medication a little bit and the new medication is not covered in the plan. So, I do not know what is going to happen with that. The samples that she gave me seem to be helping, but if they are not covered, I can not take it.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


I received my degree in the mail the day before yesterday! I knew that I had earned one, but did not have the certificate in front of me, but there was something about seeing it that just was wonderful. Since, I have showed it to anyone who will look! I can not believe that it took me so long to complete that. It just felt like a huge accomplishment.I'm happy. Now, I just have to get that Bachelor's degree under my belt and then hopefully I will be able to find a better job. The job search is not going so well at the present time. I really hope that changes too.
On a lighter note, nearly my whole immediate family ended up at my sister's house for dinner last night. She had already invited my parents, then I called her up and invited myself, and my brother did the same! The only one who was not there was my baby sister and my nephew. I don't know why she was not there, but she wasn't. It was fun. I have found more and more since I have been associating with them more that I want to be around them more. Maybe it's because I spent so much time away from them that now, I want to be aropund them, I don't know why, but it has been fun and it feels like bonding or maybe reconnecting with them.
Oh, yeah, Dustin turns 13 next week, have I mentioned that already? It is giving me a headache to think about it. My first boy, a teenager! Oh, jeez, what am I going to do?

Friday, February 6, 2009

Job Searching

I just found out that I am getting an additional $300 on my tax refund that I totally had not expected! That was the best news I had all day. It's going to be crazy busy at work for the next couple weeks and I have been in search of a different job. Preferably one job and I can make money at one job and not have two jobs. But so far, that has not looked very promising.
I have got Buck to one down to my place for the weekend, which is almost unheard of! He is going to fix some things that I need around the house and we will be going back to our regular schedule after that. I guess maybe he's trying to see how it will be when Luke starts school. Because when Luke goes to school, we will not be driving from one house to the other to go to school and then mom driving more to get to work. We will have to be settled in one spot.
It has snowed so much here it is ridiculous!! Some say 19' some say up to 24+' the last couple days. It is crazy to drive in, even with the 4 wheel drive in the truck.
Until next time.