Saturday, August 29, 2009


The lady I care for was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer this past Wednesday. It is not really surprising since she has been a very heavy smoker for years and years, but I was still in shock a little to hear the news. Sad too. I know I have complained about her on her before but I do care about her very much. She is being sent home on Monday with no treatment plan. There will be a visiting nurse, therapist, and home helper until we may need further assistance like hospice.
She just said to me that she wanted to outlive her husband who has been in a nursing home for 4 years. He is 91, but seems healthy for his age except he has Alzheimer's. I promised her that if something happened to her that I would still look after him.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

School Starts Tomorrow

Wow, my baby starts school tomorrow.
He is crazy excited about it! I have mixed emotions about him going to Kindergarten. He is growing up so fast. He will be six years old in October. It just does not seem possible. But here we are on the doorstep of school.
I love you Lukey Bear.

Also tomorrow, Dustin starts 7th grade in middle school. He is not so happy about school starting. I am hoping that he has a better school year than last year.

Myles will be in 5th grade tomorrow. Wow.

Again, they are just growing up too fast. Sometimes I wish I could freeze time. There is a song called, "You're gonna miss this" I don't know who sings it, but it could not be true.

Some lines go:
"You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days didn't go by so fast. These are some good take a look around. You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this."

Oh how that must be true.

Monday, August 10, 2009

What am I doing??

I am trying not to drop my class. I don't know if I will pass now with all the work I have not done still. I could just kick myself in the ass! AGAIN! And still , I sit here blogging about it instead of writing a paper because I have not read all the material form last week for a paper that was due yesterday and then new week starts tomorrow....

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Depression Sucks

I'm so depressed. I just can not seem to bring myself out of it. I do have an appointment with Dr. Shrink on the 14th. I sure hope that she can help me do something. Maybe my meds need adjustment. I don't know, but I can not seem to get anything done and I am really far behind in my class again. This is the third time I am taking this same class and I am behind AGAIN! This is going on week 4 of a 5 week class and I am so far behind that I do not know if I will be able to catch up and actually pass the class. I have never been like this since starting my accounting classes.
My relationship with Buck is on a slow decline. I'm sure that is where we are headed. And I wish I could say that it bothers me, but...
We are just too different in our thinking and what it is that we actually want from each other. And I'm just too tired of trying to please everyone else. I want to do things for me. Maybe that is selfish, but that is how I am feeling. I wish I could say that a relationship seems worth it, but I really can't see that it is.
Maybe it's the depression talking. Maybe not.
My baby starts school in about a week. I thought I was going to be so happy about it. Now not so much. I mean after all, he is the baby. This is the last child I have that will be starting school for the first time. I'm happy to see the little man that he is becoming but sad to see my baby growing up. I remain upbeat and happy about it for him when we are talking about it, but inside I am screaming, it's too soon...not yet...just one more year
I know he will be fine and he will thrive.
Sorry for all the negativity lately. I'm just trying to work through this mess of my life right now.
Until next time...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I can never think of an interesting title

I have been very busy. This is the third week of five for my class. I am so not motivated for this. I have been slacking just like the last time I took this class. I don't know what my problem is with this class.
My MaMaw is doing well. She has a check up with the doctor tomorrow. He is most likely going to remove her stitches and replace the cast. She stayed with me last weekend to give my sister a break. OMG! She's a lot of work, but so worth it. I enjoy having her here with us.
On another note, my brother's girlfriend is pregnant. Found this out a couple weeks ago. It is still undecided how everyone feels about this since this girl has never really tried to speak to any of us and expects my brother to wait on her hand and foot. I'm sure since she is pregnant that she is going to be handicapped! That irritates me to no end. When I was pregnant with all my kids, I never expected anyone to wait on me. With the last one, I was back at work cleaning apartments two days after he was born and I had worked right up until the day before I had him. When I was pregnant with Myles, I was on the roof hanging Christmas lights. And with Dustin, we had bought the house and I moved, painted, ripped out carpet by myself while the ex was at work. Anyway...if my brother is happy, then I am happy. I am sure that she got pregnant on purpose, but the only thing that matters now to me is that my brother is happy and we are going to have another baby in our family. I know my brother is going to be a good father. He is so good with all his nephews and niece.
Nothing much else to say here. I am waiting for the weekend so I can relax at home in my Pj's.
Until next time....