Monday, June 27, 2011

Group photo shoot

We are going this week to get photos of all the Grandkids. 8 kids in all from ages 15 down to 1. Should be an interesting time. Hopefully they will turn out good. I will post some of the pics after I get them back. I'm excited, but I know it will be hard to get them all to focus on the same thing. We are going to a park setting, so there should be some great outside scenes.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Busy Busy

So we had a busy weekend this weekend. I took on some side jobs cleaning and worked most of the weekend, and it's back to work tomorrow. So I didn't really have the weekend off, but I need the money, so it is what it is. I have an extremely busy next couple weeks. Luke has to get a physical for the procedure on his teeth and I have to work everyday and we are taking all the kids to this park to get more photos taken of all the grandkids and out individual families. I can't wait to see how cute they come out. I have the usual therapy appointments and the boys have visitation with their Dad and they have been getting out of control having this spread out over 3 or 4 days in the week. So I am going to have to put my foot down about keeping the days to a minimum. I feel like the are just trying to run every aspect of my life right now and I am getting very frustrated with the whole process.
On another note, Buck and I have been on friendlier terms. I still have him at a distance because he has proven that he can not be trusted, but I do love him. I probably always will.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Been MIA

I have missed blogging so much. I had some issues going on with my kids that preventing me from posting since October. So much has happened and still happening, but I am tired of being silent and the blogging is theraputic for me.

In October 2010, my oldest boy suffered a severe beating at the hands of his father. He was picked up by his neck and threw hrough the wall. DCS is involved and we have been going back and forth to court. It has been extremely stressful and demanding of time and resources. Although I did nothing to the children, I have to go through the parenting classes and individual and family therapy. We all had to have psychological exams and my son has to have random drug testing. I have been very stressed out and frustrated.

This has been a difficult time for me and the kids. I have waivered in my faith and felt alone in this. Dealing with DCS and the service providers is stressful. They expect you to drop everything and jump through hoops to comply with what they want with no consideration to the fact that I work and have to provide for my family while he is paying no child support and not doing anything positive for the kids. The kids are going for weekly visitation and family therapy with their father and each child has individual therapy as well. It is easy to see how people get fed up with dealing with these people and don't comply and end up losing their parental rights. And even though I did not do anything, they can still take my kids because they are technically wards of the state at the time, so I have to comply with their demands as well or I can lose them. And as their plan stands, the plan is reunification, which would mean that we would go back to having joint custody with the chance of this happening again fairly high, since their father has not changed his behavior. He was an abusive husband and now an abusive father. This just further perpetuates the problems that the boys have with their behavior and their attitudes in addition to the fact that they are 12 and 15 with atttudes anyway.

Sometimes, I just want to give up. Somedays, I just don't feel like going on. Somedays, it just is too much. But then think these are my kids, how can I just give up, even though they are acting out and I get all the bad behavior. Somedays, it is just too much for me to bear. And then, I get up the next day and do it again because I'm the Mom and they are my children. It's just so frustrating.