If I was a teenager, I would want to be with the parent that lets me do whatever I want. I would want to be with the parent that lets me stay up all night, not do my homework, not be after me about my grades, not care where I am or who I am with, not care what I'm doing, I have no supervision or guidance. I can do whatever I want. There are no chores.
If my other parent was totally the opposite, well of course I would want to be where I have more freedom and no one watching over my back all the time. I get it. I really do.
...But as that other parent, it is so hard to accept that my child only wants me when he can get something out of it. My sweet child only uses me for his benefit and then I'm kicked to the curb like yesterdays trash. It hurts. It breaks my heart. And yet I keep trying to do what is best for him although he hates me for it. That is my job...right? To keep trying and trying until there is nothing left of me, because it is what is best for him although no one seems to care except me. I don't know how much more my heart can take. I miss my sweet boy. I want him back.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Monday, June 10, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
While I wasn't looking
I must admit...I really miss my children being younger. The teenagers are growing up so fast. Next year my oldest baby will be 18. He's talking of joining the military, which makes me so proud and yet scared to death. Also next year I will have two kids in high school and my baby will be in fourth grade! How did that happen? I look at them all and still see my little babies, no matter how big they get. It's wonderful and sad at the same time. They don't need me as much, which gives me more time for things that I've always said I wanted to do, but now I just want them to spend time with me, but they have friends and plans that they don't want to have family movie night anymore. It's been on my mind a lot lately, what am I going to do when they all grow up?
Eventually, it's just going to be me and the animals.
Maybe I will actually end up being the crazy cat lady...
Eventually, it's just going to be me and the animals.
Maybe I will actually end up being the crazy cat lady...
Thursday, February 23, 2012
16 candles on his ice cream
My boy turned 16 today! I can hardly believe that. It seems like just yesterday he was born. The time goes by so fast. It truly does. I never believed that saying until I had my own children. But, it's a fact of life...they grow up. He is anxiously awaiting the coveted drivers license and tinkering with his truck so much that I will be surprised if the thing even runs by August when he will be getting his license. He hasn't figured out the saying if it ain't broke don't fix it! I usually bake a cake for my kids on their actual birth day, but since Dustin doesn't like cake, I asked him if he wanted me to make him brownies or go to Dairy Queen. He chose DQ, so we went there after school, got ice cream and hot dogs. We ate the ice cream before supper. I will have a birthday party for him next weekend.
Happy Birthday Dustin, you'll always be my first baby no matter how old you get.
Happy Birthday Dustin, you'll always be my first baby no matter how old you get.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
what to do
I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do. My boys have decided that they want to live with their abusive father because he just lets them do whatever they want. I'm living at home with my parents because I have spent so much money on attorneys trying to keep the boys out of that situation. I'm miserable at my parent's. I don't have the cash to move out at the moment. Dustin is smoking despite my repeated trying to talk to him about it and why he should not be smoking. Myles has a giant ship on his shoulder and does nothing but give me an attitude. Luke is picking up on their bad habits of talking back and he is getting into more and more trouble. I feel like everything is spinning out of control and I have no one to talk to about it. I want to just go to bed and never wake up. I know that sounds bad but that is totally how I have been feeling. Buck is lying to me again. I would love to just walk away from everyone and start new somewhere, but then I would need to have the cash to do that and I don't have it right now. I'm so sorry to vent here all the time and be so negative. It's depressing. I just wish something would go right for me for once in my life.
OK, off the pity pot. I'm going to bed, tomorrows another day. Luke starts 2nd grade tomorrow.
OK, off the pity pot. I'm going to bed, tomorrows another day. Luke starts 2nd grade tomorrow.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Been MIA
I have missed blogging so much. I had some issues going on with my kids that preventing me from posting since October. So much has happened and still happening, but I am tired of being silent and the blogging is theraputic for me.
In October 2010, my oldest boy suffered a severe beating at the hands of his father. He was picked up by his neck and threw hrough the wall. DCS is involved and we have been going back and forth to court. It has been extremely stressful and demanding of time and resources. Although I did nothing to the children, I have to go through the parenting classes and individual and family therapy. We all had to have psychological exams and my son has to have random drug testing. I have been very stressed out and frustrated.
This has been a difficult time for me and the kids. I have waivered in my faith and felt alone in this. Dealing with DCS and the service providers is stressful. They expect you to drop everything and jump through hoops to comply with what they want with no consideration to the fact that I work and have to provide for my family while he is paying no child support and not doing anything positive for the kids. The kids are going for weekly visitation and family therapy with their father and each child has individual therapy as well. It is easy to see how people get fed up with dealing with these people and don't comply and end up losing their parental rights. And even though I did not do anything, they can still take my kids because they are technically wards of the state at the time, so I have to comply with their demands as well or I can lose them. And as their plan stands, the plan is reunification, which would mean that we would go back to having joint custody with the chance of this happening again fairly high, since their father has not changed his behavior. He was an abusive husband and now an abusive father. This just further perpetuates the problems that the boys have with their behavior and their attitudes in addition to the fact that they are 12 and 15 with atttudes anyway.
Sometimes, I just want to give up. Somedays, I just don't feel like going on. Somedays, it just is too much. But then think these are my kids, how can I just give up, even though they are acting out and I get all the bad behavior. Somedays, it is just too much for me to bear. And then, I get up the next day and do it again because I'm the Mom and they are my children. It's just so frustrating.
In October 2010, my oldest boy suffered a severe beating at the hands of his father. He was picked up by his neck and threw hrough the wall. DCS is involved and we have been going back and forth to court. It has been extremely stressful and demanding of time and resources. Although I did nothing to the children, I have to go through the parenting classes and individual and family therapy. We all had to have psychological exams and my son has to have random drug testing. I have been very stressed out and frustrated.
This has been a difficult time for me and the kids. I have waivered in my faith and felt alone in this. Dealing with DCS and the service providers is stressful. They expect you to drop everything and jump through hoops to comply with what they want with no consideration to the fact that I work and have to provide for my family while he is paying no child support and not doing anything positive for the kids. The kids are going for weekly visitation and family therapy with their father and each child has individual therapy as well. It is easy to see how people get fed up with dealing with these people and don't comply and end up losing their parental rights. And even though I did not do anything, they can still take my kids because they are technically wards of the state at the time, so I have to comply with their demands as well or I can lose them. And as their plan stands, the plan is reunification, which would mean that we would go back to having joint custody with the chance of this happening again fairly high, since their father has not changed his behavior. He was an abusive husband and now an abusive father. This just further perpetuates the problems that the boys have with their behavior and their attitudes in addition to the fact that they are 12 and 15 with atttudes anyway.
Sometimes, I just want to give up. Somedays, I just don't feel like going on. Somedays, it just is too much. But then think these are my kids, how can I just give up, even though they are acting out and I get all the bad behavior. Somedays, it is just too much for me to bear. And then, I get up the next day and do it again because I'm the Mom and they are my children. It's just so frustrating.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Courtesy of my friend Karen
*If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!* *
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....* *Uphill...... See More
Barefoot...* *BOTH ways¦ yadda, yadda, yadda* *
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in
hell I was going to lay* *a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how
hard I had it* *and how easy they've got it!* *But now that I'm over the
ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of
today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live
in a damn Utopia!* *
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got
it!* *
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the
card catalog!!* *
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a
pen!* *Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in
the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10
cents!* *
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter
of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass!
Nowhere was safe! **
There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music,
you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!* *
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD
players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and
"eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it
useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?* *
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! **
There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you
just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of
touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being
in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right.
Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. **
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no
idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your
bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!!
You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! **
We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We** **had the Atari 2600! With games like
'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels
or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win.
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until
you died! Just like LIFE! **
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You
were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass
and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no,
what's the world coming to?!?!**
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait **ALL WEEK** for
cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!**
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to
use the stove! Imagine that! *
*And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no,
no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you
were doing chores! *
*And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung
on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the
last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard,
well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! *
*See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it
too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes
back in 1980** **or any time before!**
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd* *
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....* *Uphill...... See More
Barefoot...* *BOTH ways¦ yadda, yadda, yadda* *
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in
hell I was going to lay* *a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how
hard I had it* *and how easy they've got it!* *But now that I'm over the
ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of
today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live
in a damn Utopia!* *
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got
it!* *
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the
card catalog!!* *
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a
pen!* *Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in
the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10
cents!* *
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter
of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass!
Nowhere was safe! **
There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music,
you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!* *
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD
players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and
"eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it
useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?* *
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! **
There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you
just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of
touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being
in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right.
Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. **
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no
idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your
bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!!
You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! **
We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We** **had the Atari 2600! With games like
'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels
or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win.
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until
you died! Just like LIFE! **
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You
were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass
and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no,
what's the world coming to?!?!**
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait **ALL WEEK** for
cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!**
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to
use the stove! Imagine that! *
*And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no,
no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you
were doing chores! *
*And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung
on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the
last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard,
well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! *
*See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it
too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes
back in 1980** **or any time before!**
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd* *
Monday, October 5, 2009
Download
Please forgive me if this rambles but I have so much to say and really should be several posts but it's easier just to spill it all in one.
My brother's girlfriend....where to start there? As I stated before, she is pregnant. And she continues to be the thorn in everyone's side that will just not go away. So, this past week there was the whole Facebook fiasco where we were posting nastiness to each other but separate. Then my sister got in on that cause...well..that's my sister and his girlfriend is just a bitch. So the dilemma stands that no one can stand her and she is pregnant with my brother's baby..my niece or nephew. Please God, let it be a boy. (Whole other post as well)
There are issues with Dustin that I don't even think I am fully aware of yet. A few weeks ago, I found this whole plan he had wrote down on how he was going to run away. I freaked out of course, we eventually talked it out and then he went with his Dad and had more issues there and I had to go wick him up. Now, the other day after school, he had a lighter that he says his friend just came up and gave to him.... No reason,just came up and gave it to him. Well, I'm not stupid and I know that these things do not just happen like that and the kids with lighters are either smoking or setting fires, so why does Dustin want it, why did this kid give it to him, where did it come from since it id not just a cheap Bic lighter, this was an engraved Zippo lighter. And Dustin tells me he just wants it cause he thinks they are cool. I am just not buying into that. So why?? Of course, I spoke to the ex about it and as usual, he thinks I am over reacting to this. He never seems to find a problem with things the kids are doing.
I feel overwhelmed completely. I have to figure out how to be around my brother's girlfriend and not wring her neck or express my disgust for her aloud. I was told to believe that she is invisible, but somehow, I just don't think that is gonna happen.
And, what the heck is going on with my kid? I am trying to figure it out. I talk to him and he actually talks to me. Is this just having a teenager? I don't know.
Oh, and my relationship with Buck....I'll have to post on that later.
My brother's girlfriend....where to start there? As I stated before, she is pregnant. And she continues to be the thorn in everyone's side that will just not go away. So, this past week there was the whole Facebook fiasco where we were posting nastiness to each other but separate. Then my sister got in on that cause...well..that's my sister and his girlfriend is just a bitch. So the dilemma stands that no one can stand her and she is pregnant with my brother's baby..my niece or nephew. Please God, let it be a boy. (Whole other post as well)
There are issues with Dustin that I don't even think I am fully aware of yet. A few weeks ago, I found this whole plan he had wrote down on how he was going to run away. I freaked out of course, we eventually talked it out and then he went with his Dad and had more issues there and I had to go wick him up. Now, the other day after school, he had a lighter that he says his friend just came up and gave to him.... No reason,just came up and gave it to him. Well, I'm not stupid and I know that these things do not just happen like that and the kids with lighters are either smoking or setting fires, so why does Dustin want it, why did this kid give it to him, where did it come from since it id not just a cheap Bic lighter, this was an engraved Zippo lighter. And Dustin tells me he just wants it cause he thinks they are cool. I am just not buying into that. So why?? Of course, I spoke to the ex about it and as usual, he thinks I am over reacting to this. He never seems to find a problem with things the kids are doing.
I feel overwhelmed completely. I have to figure out how to be around my brother's girlfriend and not wring her neck or express my disgust for her aloud. I was told to believe that she is invisible, but somehow, I just don't think that is gonna happen.
And, what the heck is going on with my kid? I am trying to figure it out. I talk to him and he actually talks to me. Is this just having a teenager? I don't know.
Oh, and my relationship with Buck....I'll have to post on that later.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
09-09-09
Have not posted much here lately. Nothing very positive to write so I'm just gonna give you all an update. Gramma was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was sent home with no treatment plan. She had a prescription list that had I filled all the medication would have cost $1100.00 at Walgreens today! I did not fill them all, obviously! She only has about $1000 life insurance policy so I am so so worried about how to have a funeral for her with no money? She has no money, her kids have no money, and $1000 won't go far at all.
My MaMaw went home and has been doing good on her own down there. She was telling me that she is having a lot of pain in her heal so she may have moved the screw from standing on it too much. But, we will not know about that until she comes back up to see the orthopedic doctor later this month.
My brother is a proud new homeowner and we're expecting the arrival of his baby in February. I hope it's another boy. There is a whole other post right there, but I'll save that for another time.
Oh, and I told Buck that this is not working for me and that I don't think that we should be pretending anymore that it is going to. So, in my head, we are not together. But apparently in his head, things are ok. He is calling like every day like everything is normal. I love you hunny and all. I know that he completely knew what I was saying when I wassaying it. But, anyway, I brought home a bunch of stuff from his house today while he was at work and will be working on getting more stuff back here over the next week.
So, right now, I am just tring to keep my head above water and deal with things as they are coming my way.
"I can do all things through He who strengthens me..." (I don't know the exact verse, but love the quote)
My MaMaw went home and has been doing good on her own down there. She was telling me that she is having a lot of pain in her heal so she may have moved the screw from standing on it too much. But, we will not know about that until she comes back up to see the orthopedic doctor later this month.
My brother is a proud new homeowner and we're expecting the arrival of his baby in February. I hope it's another boy. There is a whole other post right there, but I'll save that for another time.
Oh, and I told Buck that this is not working for me and that I don't think that we should be pretending anymore that it is going to. So, in my head, we are not together. But apparently in his head, things are ok. He is calling like every day like everything is normal. I love you hunny and all. I know that he completely knew what I was saying when I wassaying it. But, anyway, I brought home a bunch of stuff from his house today while he was at work and will be working on getting more stuff back here over the next week.
So, right now, I am just tring to keep my head above water and deal with things as they are coming my way.
"I can do all things through He who strengthens me..." (I don't know the exact verse, but love the quote)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Depression Sucks
I'm so depressed. I just can not seem to bring myself out of it. I do have an appointment with Dr. Shrink on the 14th. I sure hope that she can help me do something. Maybe my meds need adjustment. I don't know, but I can not seem to get anything done and I am really far behind in my class again. This is the third time I am taking this same class and I am behind AGAIN! This is going on week 4 of a 5 week class and I am so far behind that I do not know if I will be able to catch up and actually pass the class. I have never been like this since starting my accounting classes.
My relationship with Buck is on a slow decline. I'm sure that is where we are headed. And I wish I could say that it bothers me, but...
We are just too different in our thinking and what it is that we actually want from each other. And I'm just too tired of trying to please everyone else. I want to do things for me. Maybe that is selfish, but that is how I am feeling. I wish I could say that a relationship seems worth it, but I really can't see that it is.
Maybe it's the depression talking. Maybe not.
My baby starts school in about a week. I thought I was going to be so happy about it. Now not so much. I mean after all, he is the baby. This is the last child I have that will be starting school for the first time. I'm happy to see the little man that he is becoming but sad to see my baby growing up. I remain upbeat and happy about it for him when we are talking about it, but inside I am screaming, it's too soon...not yet...just one more year
I know he will be fine and he will thrive.
Sorry for all the negativity lately. I'm just trying to work through this mess of my life right now.
Until next time...
My relationship with Buck is on a slow decline. I'm sure that is where we are headed. And I wish I could say that it bothers me, but...
We are just too different in our thinking and what it is that we actually want from each other. And I'm just too tired of trying to please everyone else. I want to do things for me. Maybe that is selfish, but that is how I am feeling. I wish I could say that a relationship seems worth it, but I really can't see that it is.
Maybe it's the depression talking. Maybe not.
My baby starts school in about a week. I thought I was going to be so happy about it. Now not so much. I mean after all, he is the baby. This is the last child I have that will be starting school for the first time. I'm happy to see the little man that he is becoming but sad to see my baby growing up. I remain upbeat and happy about it for him when we are talking about it, but inside I am screaming, it's too soon...not yet...just one more year
I know he will be fine and he will thrive.
Sorry for all the negativity lately. I'm just trying to work through this mess of my life right now.
Until next time...
Friday, July 3, 2009
Blah
Have not really had much to say lately. Sick and tired hearing about Michael Jackson. My kids won't stop fighting. Having issues with Buck. Just nothing positive to say right now, so taking a little break.
Until next time.
Until next time.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Crazy scheduling coming up, please disregard the current program interruption....
This week just seems to be so busy. I work in the morning, have to pick up Dustin and Myles from the Dad. I have an appointment with that Endocrinologist tomorrow at 3pm. After that, I have to figure out something to make the children some dinner. My Ma Maw is up here now and we/my sister is trying to get her surgery scheduled for hear foot. She has to be cleared by a doctor in the St. Anthony network and also have a Doppler on her leg all before they will set a surgery date. She has already been told that she will not be able to put any weight on it for 6 to 8 weeks. Of course, I worry about her, but she really needs this surgery.
My other sister has some issues going on in her relationship and personally that she just does not want to face or that she just is not ready to deal with. I do not think that they as parents, realize that everything they do affects my 2 year old nephew. And I can not really write more about it here, because some of my family members may read my blog since I have never kept it a secret. And I do not want to add any more fuel to the fire going there.
Buck started a new job yesterday. He seems to like it, for now. He always seems to get really geared up for the next new job and then shortly afterward, well, he's unhappy about the pay or what he has to do or the tools that he has to constantly carry around. They are getting him too cheap, and he knows that this place is getting him too cheap, he just needed to get out of that last job. We will see what happens with this, I suspect that in 6 months or so, he will start looking for another job that will pay him more.
I also have another appointment on Monday after work for my ear. It is still infected. It is sore and swollen. It still has crap in there, so I think I need more antibiotics to fully get rid of it. I still have drops to put in there, but I think it is not enough. This last course just was not enough. I don't know what to do about all these ear infections. I have had more and more of them in the last ten years.
This weekend coming up is going to be one of my nephew's birthday party, which also happens to be on Father's Day. Buck is probably going to be working, so he will not be with us at my sister's and Luke will have to see his Dad later in the evening to give him his gift and cards.
I can not think of anything else to update about at the moment. I have some photos to upload, but the camera battery is dead, and right now, I am just too lazy to set it up to the computer, so that will have to be another day.
My other sister has some issues going on in her relationship and personally that she just does not want to face or that she just is not ready to deal with. I do not think that they as parents, realize that everything they do affects my 2 year old nephew. And I can not really write more about it here, because some of my family members may read my blog since I have never kept it a secret. And I do not want to add any more fuel to the fire going there.
Buck started a new job yesterday. He seems to like it, for now. He always seems to get really geared up for the next new job and then shortly afterward, well, he's unhappy about the pay or what he has to do or the tools that he has to constantly carry around. They are getting him too cheap, and he knows that this place is getting him too cheap, he just needed to get out of that last job. We will see what happens with this, I suspect that in 6 months or so, he will start looking for another job that will pay him more.
I also have another appointment on Monday after work for my ear. It is still infected. It is sore and swollen. It still has crap in there, so I think I need more antibiotics to fully get rid of it. I still have drops to put in there, but I think it is not enough. This last course just was not enough. I don't know what to do about all these ear infections. I have had more and more of them in the last ten years.
This weekend coming up is going to be one of my nephew's birthday party, which also happens to be on Father's Day. Buck is probably going to be working, so he will not be with us at my sister's and Luke will have to see his Dad later in the evening to give him his gift and cards.
I can not think of anything else to update about at the moment. I have some photos to upload, but the camera battery is dead, and right now, I am just too lazy to set it up to the computer, so that will have to be another day.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Feeling down
I dropped my class today.
I was too far behind to catch up in the next two weeks. I could not focus on the readings, so I put them off. I could not focus on the assignments, so I put them off. I was so excited and felt such accomplishment when I completed the Associates degree, I thought my life was going to change, FINALLY. It didn't. At first I was so excited to start my classes toward the Bachelor's degree and now, I don't even think it matters.
I'm just so depressed right now. It sucks.
I wonder if I am just destined to be stuck in this place. It sucks. I just feel so miserable and like I have failed.
I have been crabby with everyone lately. I have been angry with my kids about so many things in the last week. I worry that the memories they will have will be of me being angry and not the good times that we have. But, more and more, there have been less good times and more aggravation and anger. I feel frustrated that my kids do not listen to me. Dustin tries to say and do whatever he wants, with no regard for what I tell him or ask him to do or not to say. He has anger issues and I know that his father has a temper and apparently I do too. Myles has a smart mouth. He also completely ignores what I tell him to do. I tell him to hang up his clothes, he goes to his room, comes out like he did it and an hour or two later, I go in his room and there are the clothes I told him to put away! It infuriates me! Luke picks up their habits and obviously only thinks that he has to behave when we are with his Dad. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? I must be. I feel like a bad mother because my kids do not listen and I yell at them. I feel like I spend all my time yelling at them and not enjoying the time that we are together.
I just am not in a good place right now. I feel like I am stuck here and there is nothing that I can so to change the situation. I do realize that things are not going to change without some action from me, but what am I supposed to do? I don't know. And I hate that I don't know.
I have not been able to find a thing to be happy about. I am stressed on so many levels, I want to crawl in bed and wait for time to me pass by.
I just am not happy and I don't know how to fix it.
I was too far behind to catch up in the next two weeks. I could not focus on the readings, so I put them off. I could not focus on the assignments, so I put them off. I was so excited and felt such accomplishment when I completed the Associates degree, I thought my life was going to change, FINALLY. It didn't. At first I was so excited to start my classes toward the Bachelor's degree and now, I don't even think it matters.
I'm just so depressed right now. It sucks.
I wonder if I am just destined to be stuck in this place. It sucks. I just feel so miserable and like I have failed.
I have been crabby with everyone lately. I have been angry with my kids about so many things in the last week. I worry that the memories they will have will be of me being angry and not the good times that we have. But, more and more, there have been less good times and more aggravation and anger. I feel frustrated that my kids do not listen to me. Dustin tries to say and do whatever he wants, with no regard for what I tell him or ask him to do or not to say. He has anger issues and I know that his father has a temper and apparently I do too. Myles has a smart mouth. He also completely ignores what I tell him to do. I tell him to hang up his clothes, he goes to his room, comes out like he did it and an hour or two later, I go in his room and there are the clothes I told him to put away! It infuriates me! Luke picks up their habits and obviously only thinks that he has to behave when we are with his Dad. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? I must be. I feel like a bad mother because my kids do not listen and I yell at them. I feel like I spend all my time yelling at them and not enjoying the time that we are together.
I just am not in a good place right now. I feel like I am stuck here and there is nothing that I can so to change the situation. I do realize that things are not going to change without some action from me, but what am I supposed to do? I don't know. And I hate that I don't know.
I have not been able to find a thing to be happy about. I am stressed on so many levels, I want to crawl in bed and wait for time to me pass by.
I just am not happy and I don't know how to fix it.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I think I'm going to invest in wine
I have been having some serious problems with Luke not listening to me or really just in general. He just completely ignores me. We had the incident last week with the stranger business. And he had not been listening last week. A couple weeks ago, the daycare lasy had said that he was not being nice to his friends at daycare, friends one minute and can't stand the kid the next minute, he even hit this boy. Then today, I pick him up and she tells me the exact same thing about the friends and he hit this boy again. So, I go to Meijer for some things right after picking him up from daycare, and he has a complete meltdown in Meijer because I took the plastic $1 ball away from him so I COULD PAY FOR IT!
Seriously, he started crying, whining, snot and drool everywhere. He's 5 years old! I was so angry. I gave the ball to the neighbor kid when we got home, just so he would get the picture that I'm not messing around. I don't know what is the problem with him. Maybe it's me. But this is making me crazy.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Oh, and as a side note, my hair is falling out, like a lot. It's kinda freaking me out.
Seriously, he started crying, whining, snot and drool everywhere. He's 5 years old! I was so angry. I gave the ball to the neighbor kid when we got home, just so he would get the picture that I'm not messing around. I don't know what is the problem with him. Maybe it's me. But this is making me crazy.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Oh, and as a side note, my hair is falling out, like a lot. It's kinda freaking me out.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Worry, worry, worry and repeat
After a crazy, busy week I am looking forward to staying home this weekend in my PJ's. I have tons of homework to catch up on that I have managed to neglect all week. Now I have to work on that this weekend. I don't know that I will ever get totally caught up now, since I am almost two whole weeks behind and the class is only five weeks long. We shall see what happens this weekend. I am optimistic, but reserved about it as well.
My sister took Ma Maw home to Kentucky today. I have to say that I am sad that she has left. I always feel like it is the last time that I am going to see her and I hate feeling like that. I have serious anxiety about it. I do call her daily, but it is never the same as being with her and spending time with her.
Myles managed to step on a nail at his Dad's house and his foot is now infected. Dustin had hours of homework to do last night. He actually stayed up later than I did. Then, he did not finish it until this morning before we left for school. I also found out just tonight that the Middle School orientation for the parents is this coming Tuesday of which Dustin failed to mention. He doesn't feel that we should have to know about the Middle School, he's going there, not the parents. Or perhaps his father already knew about it and failed to share that information, which could totally be possible as well. Either way, I am going to be there Tuesday, because I want to know what is going on and it is my responsibility to know what is going on with his school, whether Dustin or his Dad likes it or not. It really is awesome that the school sends out emails of what's happening next week. Thank you.
And, oh, geez, the family drama just never ends. Did I mention before that I had not missed that in the time that I was not speaking to them? I'm sure I must have mentioned it before. Nothing big really, just normal family drama, you know, everyone has to deal with it at some time, I am sure.
I went to the grocery store for Gramma (the old lady that I take care of that drives me out of my mind!). I am so conflicted about the situation with her. I got suckered in to taking care of her just by taking her to the doctor one time, then she somehow became my responsibility. And, really I feel bad that she has no one else to take care of her. But she calls me several times a day (lonely), but I just do not have time to be one the phone all the time and it never fails that she calls when I am at work or totally busy. Then I have to find time to go to the store for her and deliver her stuff to her and sort her pills, pick up her pills, take out the garbage, pick up her bills, pay her bills, go to some doctor appointments, take care of the paperwork for the nursing home for her husband, things like that. Which is all fine, but I have my own family, two jobs, three kids, and I am attending school full time online. The kids are in sports and have practices and games and swim meets will be soon starting for the summer season for Dustin. I just do not have time for this sometimes, then I feel guilty cause I think well, just do it and not complain. What else can I do? Buck thinks I am crazy for doing all that for her with no pay, but she really has no one else to take care of her and she really can not afford to pay me. She is 88, almost 89 years old, so what else can I do? Suck it up and take care of her.
Well, I do not know how that turned into a rant about Gramma, but OK. I was actually wanting to post about something Luke did that just really scared me to death and I am not sure if I handled it good or got through to him, so I am turning to the Internets to help me out here.
OK, here's the story, I will try to keep it short, but can't promise anything. We went to Gramma's to drop off her groceries. Luke always helps me carry in her things, I put some things away and label some things for her since she is legally blind. Well, she needed me to sort some of her pills that she got mixed up, so I told Luke to stay in the living room, I went into the bedroom to sort the pills, maybe 5 minutes, but in that time, Luke went outside even though he was told to stay in the living room. We never totally close the patio door cause Gramma smokes A LOT and I can barely breathe in there and try to leave as soon as possible cause we both have asthma and when we leave, we smell like smoke which I do not like either. So, I sort her pills and go out to the living room, and Luke is not in the living room, he went outside. I look outside, I don't see him. My heart sinks. I call him and he says, "I'm over here Mom, I'm talking to Jim." Well, first off, why the hell are you outside and who the hell is Jim? Well, Jim flashes his US Census Bureau ID, but really I don't care who he is, Luke is not supposed to be outside, and he surely is not supposed to be talking to strangers. I not so politely told Jim that I do not care who he is, that Luke is not supposed to be talking to strangers and proceed to flip out on Luke cause 1) he is outside when I said to wait in the living room, 2) he is talking to a stranger, 3) this Jim didn't think to say, well, does your Mom know you are outside by yourself?, and 4) HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO STRANGERS!!! I can not tell you how many times we have talked about this. It scared the hell out of me. Had this been some child predator or whatever, Luke could have been gone! And, we have talked about this so many times. I gave him the third degree, I whipped him over it (I know, some may not agree, but I whipped him), I talked to him some more, I told him that he could NEVER see us again if someone were to take him becasue he was with a stranger. His Dad talked to him about it some more. I was so scared about what could have happened. I was disappointed. I was so angry because we have talked about it so many times and I was sure that Luke would not do that because we had told him so many times. I was also angry cause why would that guy not say hey, where's your Mom or Does she know you are out here? That guy was just out there talking to my 5 year old!
So please tell me Internets, what would you do? Have you had similar incidents? How do you get this in your kids head that they can not talk to strangers that there are people out there that will take you? What am I doing wrong? Or right? Please give me some advice here, I am really needing it about this one.
My sister took Ma Maw home to Kentucky today. I have to say that I am sad that she has left. I always feel like it is the last time that I am going to see her and I hate feeling like that. I have serious anxiety about it. I do call her daily, but it is never the same as being with her and spending time with her.
Myles managed to step on a nail at his Dad's house and his foot is now infected. Dustin had hours of homework to do last night. He actually stayed up later than I did. Then, he did not finish it until this morning before we left for school. I also found out just tonight that the Middle School orientation for the parents is this coming Tuesday of which Dustin failed to mention. He doesn't feel that we should have to know about the Middle School, he's going there, not the parents. Or perhaps his father already knew about it and failed to share that information, which could totally be possible as well. Either way, I am going to be there Tuesday, because I want to know what is going on and it is my responsibility to know what is going on with his school, whether Dustin or his Dad likes it or not. It really is awesome that the school sends out emails of what's happening next week. Thank you.
And, oh, geez, the family drama just never ends. Did I mention before that I had not missed that in the time that I was not speaking to them? I'm sure I must have mentioned it before. Nothing big really, just normal family drama, you know, everyone has to deal with it at some time, I am sure.
I went to the grocery store for Gramma (the old lady that I take care of that drives me out of my mind!). I am so conflicted about the situation with her. I got suckered in to taking care of her just by taking her to the doctor one time, then she somehow became my responsibility. And, really I feel bad that she has no one else to take care of her. But she calls me several times a day (lonely), but I just do not have time to be one the phone all the time and it never fails that she calls when I am at work or totally busy. Then I have to find time to go to the store for her and deliver her stuff to her and sort her pills, pick up her pills, take out the garbage, pick up her bills, pay her bills, go to some doctor appointments, take care of the paperwork for the nursing home for her husband, things like that. Which is all fine, but I have my own family, two jobs, three kids, and I am attending school full time online. The kids are in sports and have practices and games and swim meets will be soon starting for the summer season for Dustin. I just do not have time for this sometimes, then I feel guilty cause I think well, just do it and not complain. What else can I do? Buck thinks I am crazy for doing all that for her with no pay, but she really has no one else to take care of her and she really can not afford to pay me. She is 88, almost 89 years old, so what else can I do? Suck it up and take care of her.
Well, I do not know how that turned into a rant about Gramma, but OK. I was actually wanting to post about something Luke did that just really scared me to death and I am not sure if I handled it good or got through to him, so I am turning to the Internets to help me out here.
OK, here's the story, I will try to keep it short, but can't promise anything. We went to Gramma's to drop off her groceries. Luke always helps me carry in her things, I put some things away and label some things for her since she is legally blind. Well, she needed me to sort some of her pills that she got mixed up, so I told Luke to stay in the living room, I went into the bedroom to sort the pills, maybe 5 minutes, but in that time, Luke went outside even though he was told to stay in the living room. We never totally close the patio door cause Gramma smokes A LOT and I can barely breathe in there and try to leave as soon as possible cause we both have asthma and when we leave, we smell like smoke which I do not like either. So, I sort her pills and go out to the living room, and Luke is not in the living room, he went outside. I look outside, I don't see him. My heart sinks. I call him and he says, "I'm over here Mom, I'm talking to Jim." Well, first off, why the hell are you outside and who the hell is Jim? Well, Jim flashes his US Census Bureau ID, but really I don't care who he is, Luke is not supposed to be outside, and he surely is not supposed to be talking to strangers. I not so politely told Jim that I do not care who he is, that Luke is not supposed to be talking to strangers and proceed to flip out on Luke cause 1) he is outside when I said to wait in the living room, 2) he is talking to a stranger, 3) this Jim didn't think to say, well, does your Mom know you are outside by yourself?, and 4) HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO STRANGERS!!! I can not tell you how many times we have talked about this. It scared the hell out of me. Had this been some child predator or whatever, Luke could have been gone! And, we have talked about this so many times. I gave him the third degree, I whipped him over it (I know, some may not agree, but I whipped him), I talked to him some more, I told him that he could NEVER see us again if someone were to take him becasue he was with a stranger. His Dad talked to him about it some more. I was so scared about what could have happened. I was disappointed. I was so angry because we have talked about it so many times and I was sure that Luke would not do that because we had told him so many times. I was also angry cause why would that guy not say hey, where's your Mom or Does she know you are out here? That guy was just out there talking to my 5 year old!
So please tell me Internets, what would you do? Have you had similar incidents? How do you get this in your kids head that they can not talk to strangers that there are people out there that will take you? What am I doing wrong? Or right? Please give me some advice here, I am really needing it about this one.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Back to the books
Well, as of today, my leave of absence I requested for school is over. My new class started today. Really, I was not ready to start back, but I suppose that if I stayed out any longer, then it would be just that much harder to start back again. I still do not feel focused on the readings and schedule, hopefully it will come to me soon.
My Ma Maw has been up here since before Easter, it has been wonderful to have her here and be able to spend time with her. My kids are enjoying being around Ma Maw too. I don't want her to go home. Luke was too funny, I left him with Ma Maw while I was at work for a couple hours and she had him handing her things and getting heavy things out of the fridge for her and he told her "Ma Maw, you're a lot of work!" She thought that was the funniest thing.
I took Luke for Kindergarten round up this past week. He was so excited to see the school he will be going to and to ride on the school bus. They did the testing for Kindergarten and when we left, I asked him if they asked him anything he did not know, he looked at me like I was crazy and said NO! He is so excited about it, but has asked me a couple times what will happen if he can not find the classroom. I have assured him that he will not get lost in the school and if he has a problem, any adult can help him. I am happy and sad that he will be starting school this fall. My last baby is going to school.
Luke's Godmother was in the hospital this past weekend. They are testing her heart and think that maybe she is not getting enough oxygen to the top part of her heart. I am praying that she will get the medical attention that she is needing and take care of herself. Please pray for her.
This past weekend, Myles was acting so bad, I do not know what his problem was, but he was seriously in trouble. He would not listen to a thing I told him to do, he was stalling about doing his chores, he was stalling about getting a bath, he was stalling about going to bed, he was arguing with Luke constantly and literally about everything. By the time he went to his Dad's house Sunday night, he was on my last nerve! But everyone survived. I just hope that he is acting better when I pick him up this week.
Sunday after church, we went to my parents house. Buck was helping them install a door and new floor in the kitchen. Mom ordered pizza for everyone for dinner. Buck says we are all too loud! I have no idea what he is talking about!
Dustin and I will be going to volunteer at a local soup kitchen this Thursday with other volunteers from our church. I am looking forward to going, but Dustin has stated that he does not want to go. I'm taking him anyway, because I feel it will be a good thing for him to do and witness that some people do not have the things that he has. I am just hoping that it will make him have a better understanding that it is hard to get through life sometimes. I hope it just teaches him something and it will be just me and him going. My Mom is going to be watching Luke and Myles while we go.
Until next time...
My Ma Maw has been up here since before Easter, it has been wonderful to have her here and be able to spend time with her. My kids are enjoying being around Ma Maw too. I don't want her to go home. Luke was too funny, I left him with Ma Maw while I was at work for a couple hours and she had him handing her things and getting heavy things out of the fridge for her and he told her "Ma Maw, you're a lot of work!" She thought that was the funniest thing.
I took Luke for Kindergarten round up this past week. He was so excited to see the school he will be going to and to ride on the school bus. They did the testing for Kindergarten and when we left, I asked him if they asked him anything he did not know, he looked at me like I was crazy and said NO! He is so excited about it, but has asked me a couple times what will happen if he can not find the classroom. I have assured him that he will not get lost in the school and if he has a problem, any adult can help him. I am happy and sad that he will be starting school this fall. My last baby is going to school.
Luke's Godmother was in the hospital this past weekend. They are testing her heart and think that maybe she is not getting enough oxygen to the top part of her heart. I am praying that she will get the medical attention that she is needing and take care of herself. Please pray for her.
This past weekend, Myles was acting so bad, I do not know what his problem was, but he was seriously in trouble. He would not listen to a thing I told him to do, he was stalling about doing his chores, he was stalling about getting a bath, he was stalling about going to bed, he was arguing with Luke constantly and literally about everything. By the time he went to his Dad's house Sunday night, he was on my last nerve! But everyone survived. I just hope that he is acting better when I pick him up this week.
Sunday after church, we went to my parents house. Buck was helping them install a door and new floor in the kitchen. Mom ordered pizza for everyone for dinner. Buck says we are all too loud! I have no idea what he is talking about!
Dustin and I will be going to volunteer at a local soup kitchen this Thursday with other volunteers from our church. I am looking forward to going, but Dustin has stated that he does not want to go. I'm taking him anyway, because I feel it will be a good thing for him to do and witness that some people do not have the things that he has. I am just hoping that it will make him have a better understanding that it is hard to get through life sometimes. I hope it just teaches him something and it will be just me and him going. My Mom is going to be watching Luke and Myles while we go.
Until next time...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
We're sick
I'm sick. Dustin started it, then me, then Luke and now Buck has it too. We are all miserable. Snot, coughing, wheezing, body aches, headaches, nebulizer treatments, the whole nine yards. Thankfully Myles has not came down with anything.
I ended up at the ER this evening because I just could not breathe and my chest hurt so bad. This is all messing with my asthma and so they gave me a neb treatment at the ER with two meds, a steroid through the iv, an iv bag and sent me home with different antibiotics and some predisone (I think that is spelled wrong, but am too lazy to look it up!). Hopefully this does the trick. I have missed work all week, which I could not afford and really, I had no choice, I could barely make it out of bed and of course everyone expects me to take care of them because they are sick! I know, it comes with being a Mom, you just can not be sick.
So that is the update here. Sickness.
Please God, let us get better soon.
I ended up at the ER this evening because I just could not breathe and my chest hurt so bad. This is all messing with my asthma and so they gave me a neb treatment at the ER with two meds, a steroid through the iv, an iv bag and sent me home with different antibiotics and some predisone (I think that is spelled wrong, but am too lazy to look it up!). Hopefully this does the trick. I have missed work all week, which I could not afford and really, I had no choice, I could barely make it out of bed and of course everyone expects me to take care of them because they are sick! I know, it comes with being a Mom, you just can not be sick.
So that is the update here. Sickness.
Please God, let us get better soon.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Frigid weather, go away!
It is frigid here. -6 was the high here today, with wind chills down to -30! That is just insane! We are used to cold, windy winters, but the Canadian air that we have been getting, we just are not used to. I don't know how Canadians make it through the winter. It is freezing. I have not been able to get warm all day, even after being inside all evening with an electric blanket and the cat all cozy on my lap.
My boss from the auto yard called me this evening. He wants me to come in early so that we can get out of there early. His mother died. I did not know what to say. I feel bad because I did not ask if she had been sick, I did not ask where they were going to have services, I just was at a loss for words. This particular boss has been and continues to be extremely difficult to work for. It is just naturally his personality to be a real jerk. But I felt so bad for him. I could tell that he was really broken up about it.
Dustin has strep throat again. I guess he is getting started early this year. I swear I think that he had strep throat off and on all last winter. Myles and Luke do not have it, but I am waiting for that to drop in my lap next.
On a lighter note, I think I might take the kids to the movies this weekend. That movie "Hotel for Dogs" comes out in theatres tomorrow and it looks so cute. I think that they would like to see it. I would like to see it.
My boss from the auto yard called me this evening. He wants me to come in early so that we can get out of there early. His mother died. I did not know what to say. I feel bad because I did not ask if she had been sick, I did not ask where they were going to have services, I just was at a loss for words. This particular boss has been and continues to be extremely difficult to work for. It is just naturally his personality to be a real jerk. But I felt so bad for him. I could tell that he was really broken up about it.
Dustin has strep throat again. I guess he is getting started early this year. I swear I think that he had strep throat off and on all last winter. Myles and Luke do not have it, but I am waiting for that to drop in my lap next.
On a lighter note, I think I might take the kids to the movies this weekend. That movie "Hotel for Dogs" comes out in theatres tomorrow and it looks so cute. I think that they would like to see it. I would like to see it.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Advice anyone?
I am having trouble with my kids fighting. I do not know what to do. It seems that I am always yelling at them and getting after them for arguing. They are at each other's throats every time I turn around. I don't want to spend my time with them yelling at them, but I can not stand to listen to them bickering and fighting literally every minute that they are together. I have tried several ways to deal with this, from just letting them figure it out (which mostly turns out to be physical between them and I have to intervene anyway), yelling at them, punishing them, giving them extra chores to do, taking privileges from them and nothing really seems to help with the situation. I really hope that this is just not how it is going to be until they are grown up. I don't think that we all would survive if that were the case. I am just out of ideas and a bit discouraged because of it. I want to enjoy my time with them. I want them to enjoy being with me, but with all the yelling, them at each other and then me at them, it's not the environment that I want for us. Anyone, any suggestions? I'm going crazy here quite literally.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Changes
I should be working on homework, but I don't feel like it.
I have been sick. I went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotics.
We had a really nice birthday party for Luke on Sunday. My mother actually planned the whole thing. It was nice. I did not have to do anything, just show up with Luke. That was nice too. It was weird, but nice to be around the whole family after all this time. I reconciled with my sister after almost two years now. I was not speaking to her as well as my mother. Well, really, I separated myself from the whole family when this incident happened with my mother. I think that we have come a long way in the last couple months. But there are still apprehensions there for me because of the past. I don't want to get sucked into the same patterns that were there before.
My sister is having a birthday party for my niece this coming Sunday. I agreed to bring the kids. I was hoping to slowly work with this, but my niece's birthday is just two days after Luke's, so she already had a party planned for her before this unexpected party for Luke. I will go like I said I will. We'll see how it goes.
I guess time helps to heal wounds, but does it help change people too?? I guess only time will tell.
I have been sick. I went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotics.
We had a really nice birthday party for Luke on Sunday. My mother actually planned the whole thing. It was nice. I did not have to do anything, just show up with Luke. That was nice too. It was weird, but nice to be around the whole family after all this time. I reconciled with my sister after almost two years now. I was not speaking to her as well as my mother. Well, really, I separated myself from the whole family when this incident happened with my mother. I think that we have come a long way in the last couple months. But there are still apprehensions there for me because of the past. I don't want to get sucked into the same patterns that were there before.
My sister is having a birthday party for my niece this coming Sunday. I agreed to bring the kids. I was hoping to slowly work with this, but my niece's birthday is just two days after Luke's, so she already had a party planned for her before this unexpected party for Luke. I will go like I said I will. We'll see how it goes.
I guess time helps to heal wounds, but does it help change people too?? I guess only time will tell.
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