Sunday, August 9, 2009

Depression Sucks

I'm so depressed. I just can not seem to bring myself out of it. I do have an appointment with Dr. Shrink on the 14th. I sure hope that she can help me do something. Maybe my meds need adjustment. I don't know, but I can not seem to get anything done and I am really far behind in my class again. This is the third time I am taking this same class and I am behind AGAIN! This is going on week 4 of a 5 week class and I am so far behind that I do not know if I will be able to catch up and actually pass the class. I have never been like this since starting my accounting classes.
My relationship with Buck is on a slow decline. I'm sure that is where we are headed. And I wish I could say that it bothers me, but...
We are just too different in our thinking and what it is that we actually want from each other. And I'm just too tired of trying to please everyone else. I want to do things for me. Maybe that is selfish, but that is how I am feeling. I wish I could say that a relationship seems worth it, but I really can't see that it is.
Maybe it's the depression talking. Maybe not.
My baby starts school in about a week. I thought I was going to be so happy about it. Now not so much. I mean after all, he is the baby. This is the last child I have that will be starting school for the first time. I'm happy to see the little man that he is becoming but sad to see my baby growing up. I remain upbeat and happy about it for him when we are talking about it, but inside I am screaming, it's too soon...not yet...just one more year
I know he will be fine and he will thrive.
Sorry for all the negativity lately. I'm just trying to work through this mess of my life right now.
Until next time...

1 comment:

Karyn "kd" said...

Bonny.. hang in there. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Hopefully the Dr. can help. Don't be so hard on yourself.. and just a thought I'm gonn athrow out there cause it seems to always be an issue..jmo: are you really trying to fit a square peg in a round hole when it comes to Buck? There's nothing wrong w/ parting ways.. The longer you put off the misery the longer it will take for you to meet the man God has planned for your life? Hope you get to feeling better soon..