Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Starting over sucks.
It hardly seems worth it to put myself out there to be hurt again.
I don't think I will ever fully trust another man again. It hurts and it sucks that it still hurts so very much. I am trying to force myself to be positive. Force myself to be happy. Force myself to get out of bed everyday. I have to get out of bed to go to work, but on days that I am off, I lay around and barely do anything. I do the basics with the kids, feeding them, making them get showered, not kill each other, but other than that I would rather just stay in bed. I know that it's depression. I am trying so hard to deal with it. I don't want to feel like this.
I wish I never met him. I wish that I just walked away in the beginning. How could I not have seen what he really was? How could I have loved him so much and I was just an option for him. Why? Why? Why? And really no answers would ever be good enough. I just wish it were easier to move on and away from him.
I don't want to keep thinking about him. I hate that I still think about him.
I'm still angry.
I don't think there is happiness out there for me.
I am just concentrating on my kids and not going to worry about a man.


-=K-= said...

nice blog entry.. hmmm.. i feel you :) i feel your pain.. was in that same exact scenario a few moments back and it felt like sh!t. But, you will get over it and move on. You will find another guy to sweep you off your feet.

Cheers to happy endings and beyond!

Bonny said...

Thank you for your kind words. I doubt in the sweeping me off my feet deal, but I would settle for just not so depressed and angry. :)

Tracey-Ann O'Meally said...

I guess it's the first part of the moving on process. As women it seems we never get any luck with how much we love. Then we have to move on....

Bonny said...

It was just a surprise that he did that to me after 6 years of being together.