I have missed blogging so much. I had some issues going on with my kids that preventing me from posting since October. So much has happened and still happening, but I am tired of being silent and the blogging is theraputic for me.
In October 2010, my oldest boy suffered a severe beating at the hands of his father. He was picked up by his neck and threw hrough the wall. DCS is involved and we have been going back and forth to court. It has been extremely stressful and demanding of time and resources. Although I did nothing to the children, I have to go through the parenting classes and individual and family therapy. We all had to have psychological exams and my son has to have random drug testing. I have been very stressed out and frustrated.
This has been a difficult time for me and the kids. I have waivered in my faith and felt alone in this. Dealing with DCS and the service providers is stressful. They expect you to drop everything and jump through hoops to comply with what they want with no consideration to the fact that I work and have to provide for my family while he is paying no child support and not doing anything positive for the kids. The kids are going for weekly visitation and family therapy with their father and each child has individual therapy as well. It is easy to see how people get fed up with dealing with these people and don't comply and end up losing their parental rights. And even though I did not do anything, they can still take my kids because they are technically wards of the state at the time, so I have to comply with their demands as well or I can lose them. And as their plan stands, the plan is reunification, which would mean that we would go back to having joint custody with the chance of this happening again fairly high, since their father has not changed his behavior. He was an abusive husband and now an abusive father. This just further perpetuates the problems that the boys have with their behavior and their attitudes in addition to the fact that they are 12 and 15 with atttudes anyway.
Sometimes, I just want to give up. Somedays, I just don't feel like going on. Somedays, it just is too much. But then think these are my kids, how can I just give up, even though they are acting out and I get all the bad behavior. Somedays, it is just too much for me to bear. And then, I get up the next day and do it again because I'm the Mom and they are my children. It's just so frustrating.