Merry Chritmas Everyone

Merry Christmas everyone. It's hard to always remember that I am blessed with family and friends that are wonderful. I had a nice Christmas get together with my family over the weekend. It really is nice to be around everyone, even with the drama that comes with it. Today I had Christmas with my older boys because they are going to be with their Dad tomorrow. I am preparing Luke's Santa gifts and Buck is eating cookies and tarts that I baked yesterday. All in all, I can not complain. I hope that everyone has a blessed Christmas and remember the reason for this wonderful day.

Almost Christmas

I'm still here, I have been trying to prepare for Christmas. Wrapping gifts, baking, and holiday parties. I will try to write more before Christmas.

A sigh of relief

I finished my final. Yeah!! I have the next few weeks off from classes. My bachelor's program starts January 5, 2009. But for the next couple weeks, I can relax and not have to worry about when assignments are due. So this is definitely a sigh if relief for me. I need the break. Now, it will take four to six weeks for my degree to come in the mail. Hopefully, I will be able to find a better job now. But I am not going to worry about that for right now. I'm just happy that I finished this program and finally completed a degree. I realize that it is just an associate's degree, but it feels like a HUGE accomplishment for me.

Frustrated with myself

I've done it again! My final is due this Sunday. That's right in like two days and I once again have not started it. I have to write a huge paper for Sunday, research and all. I don't know why I do this to myself. I am so stressed about it and I know it is my fault. I have had all week to work on it. Why? Oh, why do I do this every time?

Please, some sanity

I may be a little scarce this week. My final for my cost accounting class is due this week. I am stressing about it as usual, since I have not even started it yet. I swear, I do not know why I do this to myself, every time, I wait until the last minute and then freak out about it until I finish it. Thank God this is my last class to complete my associates degree. I will have new classes start in January toward the bachelors degree, but after Sunday, I will have completed the associates degree. I can barely believe it. For me, it feels like a huge accomplishment. I just have to get through this final.

Update

Just a quick update. Myles is fine. Nothing has changed in his scans since the last time that we were there back in June. Sorry it took so long to update, I have literally been driving since 5:45am and just got home maybe an hour ago.

Worry and Obsession

Myles goes for his check up tomorrow. I know that he is fine, but I can not help but worry. Everytime we go there it is a great deal of stress for both of us. I have seen him look around at all the kids less fortunate. They are sick. They are so very sick.
We have seen kids laying around on the couches waiting to be seen by the doctors. We have seen kids sick to their stomach from the chemo that is supposed to make them well. We see all the children without any hair from their chemo. And then there is Myles... The surgery took away his cancer and thankfully he did not need any further intervention. I try to remind myself how blessed we have been. It has been over two years now with no reoccurrance, but at every appointment, I always am holding my breath until his doctor says that there is nothing else that they see in the scans. I have to put on the brave, not worried face for Myles, but in my heart and in my head, I am worried sick that they will find it again.
What if it comes back? What if just surgery is not the answer if it came back? What if he did need chemo or radiation? What would we do? What would happen? Would he be ok if it came back again? Why is it that there are so many really sick kids there and my child was spared? I'm thankful that my child is not one of the really sick kids there but he could have been and that feeling literally makes me sick to my stomach.
I don't know how long that feeling is going to last. I had thought that with every passing appointment I would worry about it less and it is no big deal, just a check up. But I still worry that it will come back. I still worry that he will be sick. I hope those feelings will pass as time goes by but for now, I hold my breath until we leave the appointment with a good report.
I will update tomorrow.

10 years old today

My middle boy turned 10 years old today. It makes me sad to think that he is growing up so fast. I look at him and still see the little boy that he used to be. He is one of the sweetest kids I have ever known and I am blessed that he is healthy and happy. He has been through a lot in the last few years and has kept the same sweetness that he had as a young child.

He was only a week old in this photo.

In this next photo he was about 10 months old. I don't know where the time has went. This seems like just yesterday.

This was taken when Myles was about 18 months old. He has always been a happy kid. I can only hope that remains as he gets older into near teenage years.

I promise this is the last one for this post. This photo was taken last year of the two of us together. I have very few photos of me and the kids together. I am usually the one behind the camera taking the photos.

So today my baby Myles is 10 years old.

Motivation

I can not get motivated for the life of me. I was off early today, I had planned to clean the house and then put up the Christmas tree. I didn't do any of that. I read some homework and that was all. Seriously, I really need the OCD to kick in and get my butt in gear. I have so much to do and a little extra time this week, but will I actually get anything done? I hope that I do.
On another note, Myles has his check up in Chicago this Friday and as always, I am obsessing about it. I always worry that they are going to tell me that they see something else. His check ups have been good for two years now but I still worry. I guess I will always worry about it.