Thursday, December 4, 2008

Worry and Obsession

Myles goes for his check up tomorrow. I know that he is fine, but I can not help but worry. Everytime we go there it is a great deal of stress for both of us. I have seen him look around at all the kids less fortunate. They are sick. They are so very sick.
We have seen kids laying around on the couches waiting to be seen by the doctors. We have seen kids sick to their stomach from the chemo that is supposed to make them well. We see all the children without any hair from their chemo. And then there is Myles... The surgery took away his cancer and thankfully he did not need any further intervention. I try to remind myself how blessed we have been. It has been over two years now with no reoccurrance, but at every appointment, I always am holding my breath until his doctor says that there is nothing else that they see in the scans. I have to put on the brave, not worried face for Myles, but in my heart and in my head, I am worried sick that they will find it again.
What if it comes back? What if just surgery is not the answer if it came back? What if he did need chemo or radiation? What would we do? What would happen? Would he be ok if it came back again? Why is it that there are so many really sick kids there and my child was spared? I'm thankful that my child is not one of the really sick kids there but he could have been and that feeling literally makes me sick to my stomach.
I don't know how long that feeling is going to last. I had thought that with every passing appointment I would worry about it less and it is no big deal, just a check up. But I still worry that it will come back. I still worry that he will be sick. I hope those feelings will pass as time goes by but for now, I hold my breath until we leave the appointment with a good report.
I will update tomorrow.

5 comments:

The Y River said...

These are the words of a great mom, a real mum. How lucky can a son get to have a mother like you.

Bonny said...

Thank you. I will just feel better when we leave there tomorrow.

The Y River said...

How did it go? Just checking on you...

Bonny said...

Thank you for checking on us. His appointment went well and we are scheduled to go back in another 6 months. I guess we are to measure our lives in 6 month increments for several years to come. But thankfully, by grace, he is a healthy 10 year old boy that just had to have surgery.

The Y River said...

This makes me so glad