Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Call me crazy

So this last week has been absolutely crazy. Super busy at work. Super busy with assignments for this class that started last week, and actually I am behind in the reading. The kids have different things going on. I spent half the weekend last weekend at my sister's house, which was really great to just be with the family, but I should have been doing schoolwork. But, I really feel that my sister needs support right now with some situations that she is having to deal with and I want her to know that I am here for her and the family. In my absence from the family, I never really noticed how much I did in fact miss them.

I am mentally trying to prepare for my baby to go to school, which is going to bring big changes with my living arrangements and also the schedule with my older boys. I FINALLY got new tires on my van and found that I need sway bars, whatever those are and the tires cost more than I had expected. I still have bills that have yet to be paid. I really want shopping therapy, but I have learned from past experiences that shopping really does not make things better, but further the financial problems. So, that is not an option.

I still have not been able to find an adequate job, which is stressing me out. I know it is a terrible time to be looking for a job with the economy in the dump that it is in, but I seriously need to find a better job. I love my job at the Inn, but I don't get paid enough and I am tired of cleaning up after people, when I could actually be making more money in a field that I worked hard to get a degree in, but the jobs just are not out there right now. So, I will have to stick it out where I am until something happens otherwise.

I am hating the fact that it looks like Luke's Godparents may be moving to Kentucky. It's about four hours from here where they would be moving, but the chances of us going to visit very often are unlikely. And if his Godparents and their girls are all there, then what reason would they have to come back here to visit? It just makes me sad. These people are literally like family to us and I hate the fact that they are going to be leaving the area. It is an opportunity for them to start over and mend feelings among their family, I will just miss them, and I know that Luke will miss them so very much.

And, lastly in this small novel of an update, Dustin turns 13 on Monday. I have to say that I am not looking forward to it at all. He already is such a handful with his attitude and I really don't know a better way to describe how he acts and talks to me and his thinking about things. I know that some would say, "Well, he's a teenager. Get used to it. It's not going to get better." These are comments that I do not want to hear. I rationally realize that he won't be like this forever, but right now, dealing with him, he says very hurtful things, he does not listen to me, I get nasty looks whenever I talk to him, he does not feel that I should be telling him what to do or how to do it, he does not do what I tell him to do until I am yelling at him to get it done, he blatantly disrespects me and I don't know what to do with him. But I have to deal with it, I am his Mom, but sometimes, it is just really difficult. But, on Sunday, we will have him a Birthday party and hopefully he will be happy and it will be good.

So, this is a little of what is going on lately. Oh, and now all of a sudden, Buck has a guilty conscience about not going with me anywhere, so he is going to make a conscious effort to go with me. I feel torn in multiple directions. Oh, and did I mention that when I went to see Dr. Shrink this week, that she changed up my medication a little bit and the new medication is not covered in the plan. So, I do not know what is going to happen with that. The samples that she gave me seem to be helping, but if they are not covered, I can not take it.


Oladapo Ogundipe said...

Thanks for the beautiful comment but I don't believe you need any medication. I think all you need is love which includes affection and understanding. Buck will support you, I am sure. And every other thing will sort itself out including the kids looking up to you guys in terms of attitude etc. I hope your son has a wonderful birthday and that the party goes well on sunday. And on the positive side, I believe you can do it. Your reward is at the end which is very near. All the studies will be over soon. There is no stopping now. You are not crazy at all. This is life and its real

Bonny said...

Thank you so very much! I always love to get comments from you. It amazes me what a claming ability you have. I am a super stressed out person nearly 99% of the time and I let that stress creep into every aspect of my life. And, it's stressing me out! As I'm sure is evident sometimes.
On another lighter note, I love, love, love, just love the profile photo! It makes me laugh although I'm sure you have some meaning for the photo, it just makes me laugh, I don;t know why, but I really like it. I was actually hoping that you could email me an actual photo and I can make it a wallpaper for my screen.