Happy Halloween :-)

An extended hand...

OK, so I think I must be messing up the whole keep family at arm's reach thing.
My sister called tonight to ask if Luke and I wanted to go with her and my other sister and my nephews and niece trick or treating. And, since Buck is going to be working and can't go with us, I said yes, I'll go with them. She even offered to pick me and Luke up and bring us home since I am blind as a bat at night. It is seriously scary to drive with me in the dark.
I actually missed being around the family, but there still is reservations there that I just can not seem to let go of. I mean the last couple times that I have been around them, things have been fine and I actually had a good time. But with the family, comes all the family drama that I had separated myself from for the last two years. I'm still trying to find my place in this new territory. If that makes any sense.
Don't get me wrong, it is nice to be around family. I want my kids to be around family. It's just hard to 'forget' why I chose to remove myself from that family to begin with. I have not by any means forgot. I don't know that I ever will. But I want to raise my kids around family to an extent. Not smothering in family, but around them. It's so hard to explain.
Anyone else have this feeling of what to do from here?

Too many thoughts

Lots going on right now. Too many thoughts swimming around in my head. There is all this new beginnings with my family that I am trying to adjust to. I'm in my third week of these classes and then I will be finished with my associates degree. But what kind of job can I get with that?? I don't know. I haven't even started looking yet. I still don't know what the living arrangements are going to be with Buck and I and the kids. We've talked about it a couple times, and that has been it. Just many thoughts going on here.

My Lukey Bear

Tomorrow my baby turns 5 years old. I can hardly believe that 5 years has went by already. Of course, I know this is how it went with the older two kids. But maybe it's because he is the baby or maybe because I know that he is the last baby. Maybe I'm just hormonal. It just feels kinda sad that he is growing up so fast and I don't know where the time has gone.

Fw: T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, 'T-G-I-F.' He smiled at her and replied, 'S-H-I-T.' She looked puzzled and repeated, 'T-G-I-F,' more slowly. He again answered, 'S-H-I-T.' The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, 'T-G-I-F.' The man smiled back to her and once again said, 'S-H-I-T.' The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?' The man answered, ''S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, it's Thursday'

Changes

I should be working on homework, but I don't feel like it.
I have been sick. I went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotics.
We had a really nice birthday party for Luke on Sunday. My mother actually planned the whole thing. It was nice. I did not have to do anything, just show up with Luke. That was nice too. It was weird, but nice to be around the whole family after all this time. I reconciled with my sister after almost two years now. I was not speaking to her as well as my mother. Well, really, I separated myself from the whole family when this incident happened with my mother. I think that we have come a long way in the last couple months. But there are still apprehensions there for me because of the past. I don't want to get sucked into the same patterns that were there before.
My sister is having a birthday party for my niece this coming Sunday. I agreed to bring the kids. I was hoping to slowly work with this, but my niece's birthday is just two days after Luke's, so she already had a party planned for her before this unexpected party for Luke. I will go like I said I will. We'll see how it goes.
I guess time helps to heal wounds, but does it help change people too?? I guess only time will tell.

Label Cloud!! :-)

Yea!! I did it!! I did it!! I figured out how to make the label cloud for the blog page!! I did it!! I must have read it about a hundred times how to edit html and the layout, but finally, I did it!! Yea!! I think it looks cool!

Just an update

Just an update of sorts or maybe some rambling too. I have started my last class before my associates degree and the degree is all I can really think about, although I have to get through this class first. So this will be the second of nine weeks for this class.

The kids have been sick. Dustin has NEVER ending allergy problems that can not seem to get under control, especially since he spends half of his time with his Dad and his Dad does not believe that he needs medication, but that could be a whole other post there. Myles stayed home two days from school this week, he was throwing up and felt miserable. Luke has a little cough and runny nose. I have had a sore throat and my allergies have been crazy, although I suspect that is from cleaning the flood waters at work still that has turned moldy and nasty. But it's my job to do what he says. Really I think that we should have had professional cleaners come in, but mostly, I have cleaned it all on the days that I have been there.

Dustin got into trouble at school for getting "too rough on the playground" and then again at the after school accelerated learning program for trying to "enforce the teachers rules."

Things have been good with Buck and I. No more talks about living together, but things are good.

My mother and I are taking baby steps although it will never be the same. She is trying, I have to give her credit for that. And I am trying to be forgiving although with some issues still with me there.

A good cause

A friend of mine is trying to promote a good cause. If you could go over to support her, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

http://aprilslife75.blogspot.com/

Another Nine Weeks...

New classes started today!
Another nine weeks until my associates degree! I can't believe it. But I can not get ahead of myself. I still have the nine weeks ahead before I can say, Yea, I did that!!
Today has been a very long day. Up early this morning for work, just got home a little while ago. Thank goodness I made a ton of food this weekend, so we are having leftovers for dinner the next couple days. I made the best apple pie this weekend. I was patting myself on the back over that one! LOL
Luke still is not feeling 100%. He has a runny nose and cough now. Dustin is all stuffed up and has a cough. Myles has a runny/stuffy nose. I guess we are going to be going back to the doctor this week. I hope this is not how the winter is going to go.

A day for PJ's

Today, I am off work. No homework since my next class does not start until Monday. I can't believe it, I don't know what to do with myself! I could clean the house, read ahead for the next class, pack up some things, but I really do not feel like doing any of that. I think just for today, I am going to be lazy. Hang around in my PJ's all day and try to relax. I even have the newest Oprah book club book, I thought I may read some of that. I guess we'll see what happens. I am going to try a new recipe in the crockpot.
I have been cooking in the crockpot regularly now for about a month, but I have not found a recipe that is just so great I have to share. I have found a couple good ones, but nothing that is just Wonderful.
Until next time...

Baby Steps

There is so much on my mind lately. The holidays are coming. I do not really talk to my family (very long drama story) but recently, my mother has started calling me kinda regular. Not like we used to, but WAY more than I have spoke to her in the last two years. I'm not sure how I feel about it really. I mean, I missed talking with my mom, but there are some hard feelings there that I don't know will go away. Because of her, I basically have cut out my ENTIRE family for the last two years. We have always done things together in the past, family get togethers, birthday parties, holidays. And since our falling out, I have separated myself from all that. All the drama that goes along with it too. But I find myself being sucked back in, without really discussing the matters that got us there in the first place. I have found a new sense of self that I really have never had before, so it will NEVER be the same, but can it be different? I don't know. I have such mixed feelings about it. Some good, some bad. But I do have to give my mother credit, she seems to know where I stand on our arguments from the last two years and is not just expecting everything to be "normal." It's a start in the right direction I guess. Only time will tell.

Finished

OK, I finally finished my finals. I was freaking out a little earlier. Now, I have to dive into cleaning the house, casue I have let it slide this week. As you know, it never ends. My next classes start next Monday, so I have a week break to catch my breath a little.
Until next time...

What is my problem??

I am stressing MAJOR!! I am so mad at myself! I always do this. I have finals due tomorrow and I am just today really working on them! What the heck is my problem that I can not just start early and not be freaking out about them at the last minute? I hate that I do this. I really did try to start early, but every time I sat down to write...nothing. Not a thought would come to mind about the topic I am supposed to be writing about. I blog, check email, surf the web, read blogs, totally waste time! But work on my finals, oh no, I can't do that until the last minute and even now, What am I doing?? Blogging about how I am not doing my finals!! I don't know what my problem is!

What to do???

We have been talking more and more about living together and although this is what I have been wanting, now I am unsure about the whole thing. I know we have been together for almost five years now, but we have each always had our own place and the thought of giving up my own space again, makes me nervous. What if things don't work the way we plan? I've already been down that road and don't want to go there again. I just don't know.