Sunday, October 5, 2008

Baby Steps

There is so much on my mind lately. The holidays are coming. I do not really talk to my family (very long drama story) but recently, my mother has started calling me kinda regular. Not like we used to, but WAY more than I have spoke to her in the last two years. I'm not sure how I feel about it really. I mean, I missed talking with my mom, but there are some hard feelings there that I don't know will go away. Because of her, I basically have cut out my ENTIRE family for the last two years. We have always done things together in the past, family get togethers, birthday parties, holidays. And since our falling out, I have separated myself from all that. All the drama that goes along with it too. But I find myself being sucked back in, without really discussing the matters that got us there in the first place. I have found a new sense of self that I really have never had before, so it will NEVER be the same, but can it be different? I don't know. I have such mixed feelings about it. Some good, some bad. But I do have to give my mother credit, she seems to know where I stand on our arguments from the last two years and is not just expecting everything to be "normal." It's a start in the right direction I guess. Only time will tell.

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