Saturday, January 30, 2010

Seeking advice

I am considering being a gestational surrogate. I was contacted by the couple and am asking for advice, opinions, suggestions, anything. I am trying to go the way God is leading me, but I'm still unsure. Would I get too attached to the baby before it got here and then we just have no contact? I'm just unsure. I know this would be an incredible gift to them but is it something I should do? I have met with them, they like me, I like them, I think they would be great parents and they have extended family. So, please, any suggestions, comments, advice, I need something.
Thanks, until next time....


Diana said...

Well Bonny this is a difficult one to advise about. First I would ask if you have researched all of the details, especially the legal ones? The rest is a matter of personal choice as far as I am concerned. I know for a fact that I could not do it as I emotionally bonded early on in all three of my pregnancies. If you can manage not to do that, you still have no idea until the time comes, how you will feel after the birth. I think that you are allowed a time period to change your mind after delivery but this could also be a state to state law. And if you did change your mind, are you ready for another child. And what about the couples feelings if that were to happen, after months of anticipation.
If I were in this situation I would think very hard about it first. I too always try to go where God leads me, but sometimes this takes a lot of soul searching and hard listening to make sure that it is really God that is the one that is leading.
Please pray and think longer on this. Time will let you know for sure. Love Di
P.S. I think that having contact with the child afterwords is another legal thing that may very from state to state, more to research.

billiemae said...

Bonny I believe you have received some good advice from Di..Do the research.. Not only the legal stuff but more importanly the stuff inside you.... Could you really give this baby back after you had carried it for so long? Please listen to Di's advice... PRAY, PRAY ,PRAY, and then LISTEN to the still small voice inside you... God Bless... and think hard.

Bonny said...

I appreciate the advice. I have thought about how I would remain detached enough that it is not my baby. I know biologically it would NOT be my baby, but you're pregnant a long time to get attached to a baby you are carrying. I was very emotionally attached with all my kids right away as well. I know that I do not want another child and being that I would just be the gestational carrier, I do not know if legally I could change my mind. I am thinking hard about it.
It would be an incredible gift to this couple and I truly believe that they would be wonderful parents and just need help to make that happen for them.
But, I have been emotional lately and I do realize this would be an emotional thing to hand a baby over after carrying it for so long. But then, I think that maybe it would be emotionally healing for me. I have always been a giving person, sometimes too giving. I am still thinking and praying and contemplating. I will let you all know what I decide.

billiemae said...

I do not mean to tell you what to do... but I would advise you to wait about making such an important decision till you are not so emotional... Please consider carefully all the pros and cons of such a LIFE changing decision..... I too made decisions at the wrong time in my life, and they were life changing... Please
think about all this very carefully.
God Bless billiemae

Diana said...

Hi Bonny,
I had another thought that I wanted to share with you. It might be a good idea if you could somehow contact some other surrogate moms for their feedback. Love Di