Friday, July 25, 2008

The youngest boy

I feel torn sometimes that I know he is my last child and yet I spend way less time with him than I did with the older two, becasue I was a stay at home mom then. I mean, L does not know there is a difference, but I do. He goes to daycare and although I know she takes good care of him, I would rather him be at home with me, but that is just totally out of the question because I am a single mom. He has to go to daycare so I can go to work. I have to go to work. And after work, well, I still have all the regular errands and chores to do around the house. I do not have enough time or patience to do everything I want to do with him. Mostly, I am too busy to think about this, but tonight, the older boys went with their Dad, and it was just L and me at the house. He sat right next to me on the couch and was playing the Gameboy like his older brothers do, and he kept saying look Mom, I am beating up the bad guy. I'm Batman, Mom, look. Look, Mom. He was happy to have all my attention and that I was not doing anything else, just watching him. I really wish that I had more time to just have quiet time with him. I feel bad, cause I am on the computer, doing homework, making dinner, doing dishes, yelling at them to clean up, get baths, go to bed... I never have enough time, and when I have a minute, well I am tired too. I don't know what my problem is today, but I am just really feeling bad about not having enough time. I feel like I am cheating him somehow. Don't get me wrong, he's happy. I just know that the older kids had so much more of my time that L has not had. But clearly, this is how it must be.
Until next time.

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