Merry Chritmas Everyone

Merry Christmas everyone. It's hard to always remember that I am blessed with family and friends that are wonderful. I had a nice Christmas get together with my family over the weekend. It really is nice to be around everyone, even with the drama that comes with it. Today I had Christmas with my older boys because they are going to be with their Dad tomorrow. I am preparing Luke's Santa gifts and Buck is eating cookies and tarts that I baked yesterday. All in all, I can not complain. I hope that everyone has a blessed Christmas and remember the reason for this wonderful day.

Almost Christmas

I'm still here, I have been trying to prepare for Christmas. Wrapping gifts, baking, and holiday parties. I will try to write more before Christmas.

A sigh of relief

I finished my final. Yeah!! I have the next few weeks off from classes. My bachelor's program starts January 5, 2009. But for the next couple weeks, I can relax and not have to worry about when assignments are due. So this is definitely a sigh if relief for me. I need the break. Now, it will take four to six weeks for my degree to come in the mail. Hopefully, I will be able to find a better job now. But I am not going to worry about that for right now. I'm just happy that I finished this program and finally completed a degree. I realize that it is just an associate's degree, but it feels like a HUGE accomplishment for me.

Frustrated with myself

I've done it again! My final is due this Sunday. That's right in like two days and I once again have not started it. I have to write a huge paper for Sunday, research and all. I don't know why I do this to myself. I am so stressed about it and I know it is my fault. I have had all week to work on it. Why? Oh, why do I do this every time?

Please, some sanity

I may be a little scarce this week. My final for my cost accounting class is due this week. I am stressing about it as usual, since I have not even started it yet. I swear, I do not know why I do this to myself, every time, I wait until the last minute and then freak out about it until I finish it. Thank God this is my last class to complete my associates degree. I will have new classes start in January toward the bachelors degree, but after Sunday, I will have completed the associates degree. I can barely believe it. For me, it feels like a huge accomplishment. I just have to get through this final.

Update

Just a quick update. Myles is fine. Nothing has changed in his scans since the last time that we were there back in June. Sorry it took so long to update, I have literally been driving since 5:45am and just got home maybe an hour ago.

Worry and Obsession

Myles goes for his check up tomorrow. I know that he is fine, but I can not help but worry. Everytime we go there it is a great deal of stress for both of us. I have seen him look around at all the kids less fortunate. They are sick. They are so very sick.
We have seen kids laying around on the couches waiting to be seen by the doctors. We have seen kids sick to their stomach from the chemo that is supposed to make them well. We see all the children without any hair from their chemo. And then there is Myles... The surgery took away his cancer and thankfully he did not need any further intervention. I try to remind myself how blessed we have been. It has been over two years now with no reoccurrance, but at every appointment, I always am holding my breath until his doctor says that there is nothing else that they see in the scans. I have to put on the brave, not worried face for Myles, but in my heart and in my head, I am worried sick that they will find it again.
What if it comes back? What if just surgery is not the answer if it came back? What if he did need chemo or radiation? What would we do? What would happen? Would he be ok if it came back again? Why is it that there are so many really sick kids there and my child was spared? I'm thankful that my child is not one of the really sick kids there but he could have been and that feeling literally makes me sick to my stomach.
I don't know how long that feeling is going to last. I had thought that with every passing appointment I would worry about it less and it is no big deal, just a check up. But I still worry that it will come back. I still worry that he will be sick. I hope those feelings will pass as time goes by but for now, I hold my breath until we leave the appointment with a good report.
I will update tomorrow.

10 years old today

My middle boy turned 10 years old today. It makes me sad to think that he is growing up so fast. I look at him and still see the little boy that he used to be. He is one of the sweetest kids I have ever known and I am blessed that he is healthy and happy. He has been through a lot in the last few years and has kept the same sweetness that he had as a young child.

He was only a week old in this photo.

In this next photo he was about 10 months old. I don't know where the time has went. This seems like just yesterday.

This was taken when Myles was about 18 months old. He has always been a happy kid. I can only hope that remains as he gets older into near teenage years.

I promise this is the last one for this post. This photo was taken last year of the two of us together. I have very few photos of me and the kids together. I am usually the one behind the camera taking the photos.

So today my baby Myles is 10 years old.

Motivation

I can not get motivated for the life of me. I was off early today, I had planned to clean the house and then put up the Christmas tree. I didn't do any of that. I read some homework and that was all. Seriously, I really need the OCD to kick in and get my butt in gear. I have so much to do and a little extra time this week, but will I actually get anything done? I hope that I do.
On another note, Myles has his check up in Chicago this Friday and as always, I am obsessing about it. I always worry that they are going to tell me that they see something else. His check ups have been good for two years now but I still worry. I guess I will always worry about it.

Wasted all day online

I have officially wasted the entire day surfing the internet, doing a little homework (not nearly what I should have!), took a nap, and reading blogs. I have determined that I read too many blogs and do not know when to stop! I think I have a blog addiction! Don't tell anyone! :)
I'm going to link some blogs that I have been reading.

http://serenityjoy.blogspot.com/

http://shuttersisters.squarespace.com/home/

http://sellcrazysomeplaceelse.blogspot.com/

http://sodearandyetsofar.blogspot.com/

Just to mention a few, then there is Facebook, I have wasted so much time on there! So, I am going to go watch a movie with Luke before he has to go to bed. Dustin and Myles are with their father, Buck is working still, so it's just me and Luke.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Today I am focused on my family and how thankful I am for each and every person in my life. My kids are healthy. We have a roof over our head. We have warmth. We have food. We have each other. Some people are less fortunate and do not have a warm home or enough food to eat. There are some families that their children are sick. So, I am blessed. I may not always appreciate it enough, but I am blessed. I will prepare a meal for my family and enjoy the time we are spending together. I hope that everyone else has a wonderful day.

Christmas will be here before we know it!

For Christmas I always bake some old family recipes with the kids. We do it every year. We usually end up with way more cookies and cherry tarts than we can all eat so we share with the neighbors and some families from church.
Another thing that we love to do every year is go through the drive thru of a fast food restaurant a day or so before Christmas and we pay for the car behind us and tell the cashier just to tell them Merry Christmas. This happened to me one year and I have never forgot it, so it is a nice feeling to do this for someone else. I hope that it has inspired someone else to do it as well. The kids always look forward to it and I hope that they will remember it and continue it when they grow up.
So Internet, what Christmas traditions do you share with your families? I'm curious to see what other people do to spread the Christmas spirit.

A break from homework for today

I just finished this huge assignment for cost accounting. This class has been harder than I expected it to be. I have been struggling with it. I'm glad that there are only 3 more weeks left in this class. The last day is December 14th. I'm glad it will be complete before Christmas. At least I won't be stressing about assignments while trying to enjoy Christmas with the kids.

Happening right now

The post I made to my Mom's group pretty much sums up how I am doing right now.
Just everything! Issues with my ex. Things with the kids. My oldest hates me and pretty much the world and I have issues about that because I am ready to tell him to stay with his Dad, but then I feel terrible, because I am his mom and not supposed to just give up. But I don't know what else to do. He does not listen to me at all. Myles, bless his heart, seems depressed. He was telling me the other day some things about his Dad's house and his step mom that upset me, but I can not say anything, because I have no control over what goes on there. And I hate that I can not control what goes on with them all the time. There is just so much.
I am in my last class before I get my associates degree, but I am having a struggle with the class and have a 78% which is going to bring down my GPA, which I am not happy about.
Buck and I have talked more and more about living together and all it has done is convince me that we can not live together. So, being realistic, things have to stay how they are between us which is a story in itself.
I have been having a lot of problems with my feet and legs swelling, and have not made time to go to the doctor. But what are they going to tell me, stay off them, well that is not possible. So that is not a solution, I have to work. So I have not even been to the dr about it yet. But they swell and throb almost everyday except when I stay off them like on the weekend.
So, right now, I just want to go back to bed for like a week. But really, that won't change things anyway. I am trying to made the best of what I have. It's just been hard lately.

Stress

I am determined that this is going to be a good week.
I am going to try my best not to stress about everything.
I really am going to try.

Please...drive me crazy

OK, so about my crazy week!

Last weekend, on Friday, Myles decided to swallow a quarter. Yep, you read that right a quarter! He swallowed it. I went into how he IS almost 10 years old and how many times have I told him not to put things in his mouth since he was little, but he had of course, already swallowed the quarter. Well, on Saturday, Myles is throwing up most of the day, dinner that we had before he had swallowed the quarter, so I get nervous about it being stuck and take him to the emergency room. They took an x-ray, the quarter was in his stomach and they said to bring him back in 2 to 3 days for another x-ray to see where it is at. So, I keep asking him if he has pooped it out. Like three times, he tells me he thinks he did. Well, it was only one quarter and he does not know if he pooped it out, and he couldn't have pooped it out three times!!. I'm tired of asking him if he's pooped out the quarter by then.

Tuesday, their father calls me at work, says that Dustin is in the nurses office at school, he's itching, maybe from the chlorine at the pool since he has started swimming again. But he's in the nurses office itching and wants someone to come get him. He says he is going to leave work to go get him. In the mean time, the ER radiology calls me to say that it looked like the quarter was lodged and want Myles to come back for another x-ray. I call the ex, tell him, since he is going to go pick up Dustin from school. Could he take Myles for the x-ray?

He sends his wife to go get Dustin, cause God forbid that he actually have to do anything for his kid, like go pick him up from school. And he did not want me to go get him on his day. Well, anyway, they don't get Dustin the Aquaphor for his itching like I said to get him that used to be prescribed for him for dry skin, but give him an oatmeal bath instead. No one takes Myles for the x-ray like the radiology department says, because apparently their father has now got a PhD that I was unaware of and the x-ray people must be wrong! I'm stressed out because they are with him and he is not doing what I would be doing with the kids and of course I have no control over that because they are with him that day. I hate that I have no control over what goes on with them when they are with him.

But, OK, so last week, Dustin did not get the best teacher conference...he has anger issues and well...an attitude and a half with most everyone when you are telling him what to do. And then the school counselor called about the same issues as the teacher, so I make him an appointment with his counselor (that he has gotten to take a break for the summer providing that he has no "issues" but apparently he has issues or there would not have been a not so good conference and call from the counselor), and when I tell him over the phone that we are going there, he HANGS UP THE PHONE ON ME!!! Yep, you read that right too. Hung the phone up on me and would NOT get back on the phone when I called back mad as hell. I was so mad, I was seeing spots. I knew that he would not want to go there, but to be so utterly disrespectful to hang up on me. OMG!! I was livid!! I was actually glad that I had to drive about an hour before I actually got there to pick him up.

I am stressed out. I mean I am doing the best that I can. I have two jobs. I am going to school full time. I have three kids. I am involved with the kids. I care about what they do, like I am supposed to. I am working my ass off and getting no where fast. I'm just so sick of it. Sometimes, I really feel like I could just walk away. I don't want to be me. I don't like being me. I hate my life. I hate the fact that I hate my life. I want my kids to listen to me. I am tired of dealing with everything.

And yet...

I know that I can not just walk away. I do not want to. They are my kids. But damn, it just really sucks right now. Everything.
Until next time and thanks for reading this long post.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated...

Finally Friday!!...again

This past week has been crazy. I don't have time to write about all of it now, but all I can say is that I am so happy it is Friday!! I thought Friday would never get here. Tomorrow I am sleeping in and turning off my phone! Will update with this weeks craziness later this afternoon.

I'm going to need a glass of wine!

My kids are driving me crazy.
As I sit here and type this, Dustin is fighting with Myles, Luke is crying because they are fighting. I have said stop about a hundred times now with no response. I have even went in to break it up three times. I am never going to get through this weekend.
I am going to need a padded room for myself before the weekend is over!!
Seriously.

History has been made

Well, we have a new president.
Not the one I had hoped for, but a new president.
It will be interesting to see what happens from here.

Blah

I'm depressed.
Just depressed.
I don't know why.

Trick or Treating

Luke was spiderman again this year. He could barely breathe through that mask, but wore it most of the night.
We took all the cousins together, minus the older kids, they went off on their own.

This is the parade that we took with us trick or treating. My two sisters, my sister's boyfriend, the four kids and myself!

This house was really cool.

So after trick or treating, My sister, My mother and I went on this scavenger hunt that the town had set up. It was so much fun. We had to go to the graveyard, a church, and we raided my sister's house and went to her neighbor's houses asking if they had items on the list. We didn't do too bad. We got 4th or 5th place. Some gift certificates. It was really a good time.

What did you do for Halloween?

Happy Halloween :-)

An extended hand...

OK, so I think I must be messing up the whole keep family at arm's reach thing.
My sister called tonight to ask if Luke and I wanted to go with her and my other sister and my nephews and niece trick or treating. And, since Buck is going to be working and can't go with us, I said yes, I'll go with them. She even offered to pick me and Luke up and bring us home since I am blind as a bat at night. It is seriously scary to drive with me in the dark.
I actually missed being around the family, but there still is reservations there that I just can not seem to let go of. I mean the last couple times that I have been around them, things have been fine and I actually had a good time. But with the family, comes all the family drama that I had separated myself from for the last two years. I'm still trying to find my place in this new territory. If that makes any sense.
Don't get me wrong, it is nice to be around family. I want my kids to be around family. It's just hard to 'forget' why I chose to remove myself from that family to begin with. I have not by any means forgot. I don't know that I ever will. But I want to raise my kids around family to an extent. Not smothering in family, but around them. It's so hard to explain.
Anyone else have this feeling of what to do from here?

Too many thoughts

Lots going on right now. Too many thoughts swimming around in my head. There is all this new beginnings with my family that I am trying to adjust to. I'm in my third week of these classes and then I will be finished with my associates degree. But what kind of job can I get with that?? I don't know. I haven't even started looking yet. I still don't know what the living arrangements are going to be with Buck and I and the kids. We've talked about it a couple times, and that has been it. Just many thoughts going on here.

My Lukey Bear

Tomorrow my baby turns 5 years old. I can hardly believe that 5 years has went by already. Of course, I know this is how it went with the older two kids. But maybe it's because he is the baby or maybe because I know that he is the last baby. Maybe I'm just hormonal. It just feels kinda sad that he is growing up so fast and I don't know where the time has gone.

Fw: T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, 'T-G-I-F.' He smiled at her and replied, 'S-H-I-T.' She looked puzzled and repeated, 'T-G-I-F,' more slowly. He again answered, 'S-H-I-T.' The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, 'T-G-I-F.' The man smiled back to her and once again said, 'S-H-I-T.' The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?' The man answered, ''S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, it's Thursday'

Changes

I should be working on homework, but I don't feel like it.
I have been sick. I went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotics.
We had a really nice birthday party for Luke on Sunday. My mother actually planned the whole thing. It was nice. I did not have to do anything, just show up with Luke. That was nice too. It was weird, but nice to be around the whole family after all this time. I reconciled with my sister after almost two years now. I was not speaking to her as well as my mother. Well, really, I separated myself from the whole family when this incident happened with my mother. I think that we have come a long way in the last couple months. But there are still apprehensions there for me because of the past. I don't want to get sucked into the same patterns that were there before.
My sister is having a birthday party for my niece this coming Sunday. I agreed to bring the kids. I was hoping to slowly work with this, but my niece's birthday is just two days after Luke's, so she already had a party planned for her before this unexpected party for Luke. I will go like I said I will. We'll see how it goes.
I guess time helps to heal wounds, but does it help change people too?? I guess only time will tell.

Label Cloud!! :-)

Yea!! I did it!! I did it!! I figured out how to make the label cloud for the blog page!! I did it!! I must have read it about a hundred times how to edit html and the layout, but finally, I did it!! Yea!! I think it looks cool!

Just an update

Just an update of sorts or maybe some rambling too. I have started my last class before my associates degree and the degree is all I can really think about, although I have to get through this class first. So this will be the second of nine weeks for this class.

The kids have been sick. Dustin has NEVER ending allergy problems that can not seem to get under control, especially since he spends half of his time with his Dad and his Dad does not believe that he needs medication, but that could be a whole other post there. Myles stayed home two days from school this week, he was throwing up and felt miserable. Luke has a little cough and runny nose. I have had a sore throat and my allergies have been crazy, although I suspect that is from cleaning the flood waters at work still that has turned moldy and nasty. But it's my job to do what he says. Really I think that we should have had professional cleaners come in, but mostly, I have cleaned it all on the days that I have been there.

Dustin got into trouble at school for getting "too rough on the playground" and then again at the after school accelerated learning program for trying to "enforce the teachers rules."

Things have been good with Buck and I. No more talks about living together, but things are good.

My mother and I are taking baby steps although it will never be the same. She is trying, I have to give her credit for that. And I am trying to be forgiving although with some issues still with me there.

A good cause

A friend of mine is trying to promote a good cause. If you could go over to support her, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

http://aprilslife75.blogspot.com/

Another Nine Weeks...

New classes started today!
Another nine weeks until my associates degree! I can't believe it. But I can not get ahead of myself. I still have the nine weeks ahead before I can say, Yea, I did that!!
Today has been a very long day. Up early this morning for work, just got home a little while ago. Thank goodness I made a ton of food this weekend, so we are having leftovers for dinner the next couple days. I made the best apple pie this weekend. I was patting myself on the back over that one! LOL
Luke still is not feeling 100%. He has a runny nose and cough now. Dustin is all stuffed up and has a cough. Myles has a runny/stuffy nose. I guess we are going to be going back to the doctor this week. I hope this is not how the winter is going to go.

A day for PJ's

Today, I am off work. No homework since my next class does not start until Monday. I can't believe it, I don't know what to do with myself! I could clean the house, read ahead for the next class, pack up some things, but I really do not feel like doing any of that. I think just for today, I am going to be lazy. Hang around in my PJ's all day and try to relax. I even have the newest Oprah book club book, I thought I may read some of that. I guess we'll see what happens. I am going to try a new recipe in the crockpot.
I have been cooking in the crockpot regularly now for about a month, but I have not found a recipe that is just so great I have to share. I have found a couple good ones, but nothing that is just Wonderful.
Until next time...

Baby Steps

There is so much on my mind lately. The holidays are coming. I do not really talk to my family (very long drama story) but recently, my mother has started calling me kinda regular. Not like we used to, but WAY more than I have spoke to her in the last two years. I'm not sure how I feel about it really. I mean, I missed talking with my mom, but there are some hard feelings there that I don't know will go away. Because of her, I basically have cut out my ENTIRE family for the last two years. We have always done things together in the past, family get togethers, birthday parties, holidays. And since our falling out, I have separated myself from all that. All the drama that goes along with it too. But I find myself being sucked back in, without really discussing the matters that got us there in the first place. I have found a new sense of self that I really have never had before, so it will NEVER be the same, but can it be different? I don't know. I have such mixed feelings about it. Some good, some bad. But I do have to give my mother credit, she seems to know where I stand on our arguments from the last two years and is not just expecting everything to be "normal." It's a start in the right direction I guess. Only time will tell.

Finished

OK, I finally finished my finals. I was freaking out a little earlier. Now, I have to dive into cleaning the house, casue I have let it slide this week. As you know, it never ends. My next classes start next Monday, so I have a week break to catch my breath a little.
Until next time...

What is my problem??

I am stressing MAJOR!! I am so mad at myself! I always do this. I have finals due tomorrow and I am just today really working on them! What the heck is my problem that I can not just start early and not be freaking out about them at the last minute? I hate that I do this. I really did try to start early, but every time I sat down to write...nothing. Not a thought would come to mind about the topic I am supposed to be writing about. I blog, check email, surf the web, read blogs, totally waste time! But work on my finals, oh no, I can't do that until the last minute and even now, What am I doing?? Blogging about how I am not doing my finals!! I don't know what my problem is!

What to do???

We have been talking more and more about living together and although this is what I have been wanting, now I am unsure about the whole thing. I know we have been together for almost five years now, but we have each always had our own place and the thought of giving up my own space again, makes me nervous. What if things don't work the way we plan? I've already been down that road and don't want to go there again. I just don't know.

Another Field Trip

This morning I swear I was falling asleep on my way to work. Thankfully, I usually call my friend on my way to work, even though it's early, and that kept me awake. I even went to bed early last night, well earlier than normal I should have been fine. I am getting ready for a field trip with Myles tomorrow. A boat tour in Chicago. It's supposed to rain. High of 61.
I have so many posts going through my head and can only write so much at a time. Maybe next week I will have more time, since I will have a week off inbetween my next class. Maybe I will get a book read in the pile that keeps growing out of control. There is some drama im the mom's club that I love, and it has been on my mind as well. I finally went grocery shopping for Gramma today. She was driving me crazy. I finally just had to go before I had to flip out on her!
Luke still has an ear infection and keeps complaining about it, he's been on two antibiotics and ear drops now and I was giving him Motrin too. It's still bothering him. I am going to have to take him back to the doctor.

A day in the life

I have a lot to do today. Church this morning. Shopping, grocery and other. I would like to go to Toys-R-Us for the 50% off sale that they are having, but I can not take the kids there and have no one to watch them, so that seems out of the question. I have dinner already started in the crockpot, chicken and dumplings (I'm so glad I found that recipe). Dustin and Myles are going with their Dad tonight, so I have to get them there as well as the other 10,000 things that have to get done today. Laundry...always laundry.

Thoughts I had before 7am

1. Luke woke up twice last night with this ear infection. I just had him to the doctor yesterday. Have to call later to see if we can get the ear drops.
2. I can't believe I'm up so early. It's 5am!
3. I have to finish an assignment and submit it today and start getting ready for the finals due next Sunday.
4. I have to call my MaMaw today, she's probably wondering what happened to me. Haven't called her for two days.
5. What's going to be for dinner tonight?
6. It's freezing in here.
7. Buck has to put the crockpot back together. I broke the handle last week.
8. Make a grocery list.
9. Gramma called me last night at 11:30pm. She's so lucky that my phone was on silent. What is her problem. I'm gonna have to kill her, she's driving me crazy!! I know she wants me to go to the store, but I have not had time yet. Doesn't she understand that I have a family to take care of?? She gets on my nerves. Can't get started on her this morning!!
10. What am I going to wear to church tomorrow. Nothing fits right anymore.
11. Put the clothes in the dryer.
12. Why am I thinking about so much this morning.
13. I have to check my email.
14. Read my blogs.
15. Start Buck's coffee and make his sandwiches.
16. OMG, it's gonna be a long day. I better get started.

Field Trip

I went on a field trip with Dustin today. We went to Navy Pier in Chicago to see the Space Shuttle Movie and then shopped around Navy Pier. We went on the Ferris Wheel there. It's the second largest in the world.
Wow! That is all I can really say. You could not pay me enough to be a teacher. To have to deal with 30 sixth graders all day! Not my idea of a good time, but he wanted me to go. So I did. I will post some pics maybe later tonight.

Just depressed today

Ever feel like you just want to go back to bed and stay there for, um, like a week? That's how I am feeling this morning. Nothing is going right this morning. I am worried about bills as usual. It just sucks. I hate the fact that I do not have a better job. And although I will be finished with my associates degree in December, well, that does not guarantee that I will be able to find a job then. And if I do not find a better job by then, I don't know what I am going to do. Luke's birthday is next month, Myles's birthday is at the beginning of December, Christmas, and then Dustin's birthday in February. I just don't know how I am going to do that this year. I guess I am just stressing today. I always worry about money, but this is just getting ridiculous. Or maybe I am just letting it get the best of me today. But, really, I just want to go back to bed.

Yeah...

I am so excited! I have all my assignments completed for this week except for one that is not due until Sunday!! I can not believe that I am that far ahead. It's a good thing though, because next week are finals and I will have tons of work to do, so I am a little ahead of the workload for next week, which is great!

Tomorrow's another day

My Lukey Bear has been complaining about headaches all weekend. He has an appointment with Dr. Dhana tomorrow. I don't know what is wrong, but this is totally not like him. With Dustin having asthma so bad and Myles having surgery for cancer, well, Luke seems to be the healthiest one out of the bunch. So we will see what they have to say at the doc's office tomorrow.
It has been such a long busy day. I have been working on homework like crazy. I have finals next week, so I will be a crazy lunatic next week until they are finished. If I keep up like this, I may finish early, we'll see. I am only one more nine week class away from my associates degree. I can't even begin to say what an accomplishment that is for me. I'm so excited! I'm actually going to have a degree, well, in nine weeks...
Tomorrow I have to go back to the office and see if anything was cleaned while I was at my other job today. I will be cleaning up from that flood forever over there.

Found an interesting Quote

I found this fascinating quote today:
“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”- Martin Luther King Jr.
Fragments From Floyd, Sep 2008
You should read the whole article.

I'm not a political person, but this caught my eye.

Font Changes

I changed my font at pYzam.com

I will remember you...

I don't know what my problem is lately. I have been so emotional. And let me clarify, No, I am not pregnant and No, it is not that time of the month!
Today while I was at work cleaning up the mess left over from the three feet of water we had through the building, a man came to the gate that lives behind the junk yard in the neighborhood back there, if you can call it a neighborhood. (There are a few very modest, run down houses, but people live there.) My boss took this guy back there on the loader, which is the only thing making it through the water still standing on Chase Street and the whole area around it. This old man completely broke down. It was heartbreaking. It really was. The look on his face was just...heartbreaking. His whole house is totally under water. You can see the top of his house, but that is about it.
This old man has lost everything, because no doubt, his house will be uninhabitable when the water goes down. And these people that live back there are poor to begin with. He will never recover from this. He will never be the same. It just makes me so very sad.The look in that man's eyes, I will never forget. He was just devastated. I started to cry and had to go in the back to my office. I just can not handle seeing people when you know that there is nothing you can do to help them. I swear, I will always remember that mans face. He said he's lived there 55 years and it has never been this bad.
I just can not stop thinking about it. And God only knows when the water is going to go down. It sure isn't going anywhere fast, it's been a week already.

The clean up begins

The floods are going down. Two major highways are still shut down, but more roads are opening everyday.
I did not have to clean up water and mess at home, but I get to do it tomorrow at work. Our whole building was under water. All the computers...ruined. I don't even think that he had back up of our files. The phone system...ruined. Filing cabinets full of water and mud. My desk full of water and mud. Everything.
Ugh, I don't even want to go to work tomorrow!! I'm sure that my allergies will be a mess after that.
Well, at least I'm getting paid to clean it up, right? Although I am having a hard time seeing how that is a good thing...

Flooding Update

The area is crazy flooded. The water is not going down yet either. The major roads are closed and many of the smaller roads are closed as well. We have to go WAY around the water to get anywhere, to work, the store, daycare, school...
I have lived in this area most of my life and have never seen it this bad. People have lost everything. It's devastating. So sad, people are not being allowed to their homes due to the severe flooding. Almost everyone that I know got water in their basement. I don't have any photos, I wish that I did. It has been all over the news. I thought that the water would go down in a day or so, but that clearly is not the case.

Flooded

The whole area is flooded.
It took me four hours to get home yesterday. Flooded bad. The last couple years we have got floods around here that have shut down the major roads and highways. This rain and flooding is supposed to be from that Hurricane Ike that went through Texas and wreaked havoc down there.
I drove through some water that was deep. At least twice, I thought for sure that I was crazy for driving through instead of turning around. One of those idiots that you see on TV, stranded in the water that have to be rescued because they should never have been driving through that deep water. Well, yesterday, that idiot was me. I did not get stranded, but the water was pretty deep. I did not get stranded, thank God! And we finally made it home.
But we are blessed. Some people have flooded homes and are evacuated. We have no water in the basement and are able to stay at home, so, we are blessed.

Tomorrow's another day....

It has been a rainy, dreary day here today. The perfect day to cook meals for the coming week and bake. Today, I made a big pot of potato soup, a crockpot of this wonderful chicken stew that I found the recipe for from another blog, fried green tomatoes, cut watermelon, cantaloupe, and put a crockpot of a breakfast casserole that a good friend sent to me. I didn't get much homework done that is due for tomorrow, but I feel like I got a lot accomplished.
Tomorrow, after church, I have to do some laundry, get my assignments done and hopefully relax a little before beginning another busy week.
There has been a lot on my mind today, the argument with the ex about the boys medication, which still has not got picked up and I can not afford to just go get. There is a really long story there. A dear friend of mine is going through a hard time and I have not heard from her. She has been on my mind. I really would love to take off to Kentucky to be by my MaMaw, but that is nearly impossible with gas prices and I can not afford to take off work right now. I am behind on a couple bills. I'm just feeling depressed today. Tomorrow's another day. Hopefully I will be feeling a little brighter tomorrow.
Until next time...

Ranting Again...

My ex husband is an idiot! We have joint legal and physical custody of the kids. Tuesday he let Myles stay home from school sick. Now, Myles will try to pull that everyday if you let him and you have to just tell him that he is going to school, unless he's obviously too sick to go to school and you can usually tell when he is. So Myles stays home from school sick, does his father take him to the doctor? No! Myles goes back to school on Wednesday. Wednesday at 1:00pm, I get a call from the nurse that Dustin is in the office and he has a terrible headache, can I come to pick him up? She said that she had called his father about 11:30am over the same issues and he said that he was at work and there was no one to pick him up from school! Send Dustin back to class. He did not even call me to see if I could pick him up! I went to pick him up when she called me. Then on Thursday, Dustin stays home from school because of a headache at his Dad's house. Does he take him to the doctor? No!! Now two days in a row the kid has had headaches that have literally made him throw up and he can get sent home from school, but his Dad can not take him to the doctor! So, Friday after I pick them up from school, I take them to the doctor. Myles just has a virus, got some decongestant. Dustin's asthma is acting up. The doc said that the headaches were most likely sinus problems and pressure, prescribed Dustin four (4) prescriptions.
Well, the deal is that their Dad is supposed to pick up the prescriptions because the insurance makes you pay 100% at the pharmacy and then will reimburse you 100% a few weeks later. Well, I don't have that extra cash to pick them up, so he is supposed to do it. And do you know that he tells me I should go pick them up. It's crap that he has to do it! HELLO, he makes 10x the money that I make. And it's not like he took time off work to go pick the kid up from school and it's not like he took either of the kids to the doctor when they stayed home from school sick like he should have. It's not like he took them to the doctor at all, and he can't go get the prescriptions!! I was so pissed off. He's an idiot!

Recant

Sorry for the rant last night. It seems less aggravating today than it was yesterday while I was making dinner. I really am not some heartless monster that does not care about animals. It may have seemed that was the case from the last post, but really, I love animals. Just not trying to claw in through my screen. :)

My rant...

Ok, this is going to be a rant. Sorry, but be warned.
So, the neighbor got this cat. Real pretty cat, I have nothing against cats, obviously because I have one! So they get this cat and the cat stays outside. Ok, fine, well, yesterday, we were eating dinner outside and here comes the cat. Well, me being the germophobe that I am, Luke, don't touch the cat. Luke don't feed the cat. Luke don't touch the cat. Luke get away from the cat..... You get the point. Well, I have a cat THAT I KEEP IN THE HOUSE!!! And cats can pass feline leukemia, fleas, etc, etc... Well, I don't want Smokey getting fleas, he doesn't even go outside. So, I don't want the cat around in the yard. And it came because we were eating outside. Buck shooed it away a few times and it went back across the fence and sat there watching us eat dinner.
So, tonight, I am making dinner. Salmon patties, fried potatoes and corn. Well, I am frying the potatoes and the salmon patties and I have the back door open with the screen, and the next thing I know, this damn cat is scratching at the screen to get in the house. Obviously, it smelled the salmon. This cat is sitting on the stairs, scratching like crazy, itching itself like mad, meowing while I am making dinner. Smokey notices and goes to the screen then they are hissing at each other. You have got to be kidding me! So, I get the squirt bottle, because this is what I do with Smokey when I want him to stop doing something or be quiet. I squirt the cat, it leaves. A few minutes later, it's right back, scratching at the screen, meowing! I squirt it again, it leaves. I literally turn around to flip the salmon patties and the cat is right back again. Now, I have squirted the heck out of this cat twice. This went on like another three times. Well, I am getting mad, I'm sure this cat does not have shots and it has fleas (it was scratching like crazy) and it's right by the open back screen.
I finally got pissed and I got a big bowl from the cabinet, filled it with water and threw it out the back door at this cat. The cat ran. This cat was soaking wet. Do you believe that, IT CAME BACK A FEW MINUTES LATER!! Seriously, I thought that cats were smarter than that! I threw the bowl of water out the back door another two... two times before the cat finally stayed off the stairs. And it was still at the bottom of the stairs meowing, licking itself, because it was soaking wet. And do you know that she had enough nerve to say that I should not have thrown water on the cat!! I did not argue with her. I told Buck he should talk to her husband. MAYBE SHE SHOULD KEEP HER DAMN CAT IN THE HOUSE if she does not want me to throw water on it for scratching up the screen and trying to get in my house! I swear if Smokey gets fleas from that cat there will be hell to pay!

Family friends and so much more

When I started attending my church in 2001, we instantly became good friends with this family, the C's. They truly are a blessing. They are great people with big hearts. So, it only was natural that when Luke was born that they become his Godparents at his baby dedication. They love that kid so much, well, they love all my kids. And I have watched Heather and Ashlee grow into the best young women that I am so proud to love. These photos were taken when Ashlee graduated High School. It is so hard to grasp that they are all grown up now. No more are the days when they are calling wanting to spend the night at my house. No more are the days that they are coming over just to hang out. They are all grown up with busy lives of their own. Heather even has a serious boyfriend!

Luke seriously loves them so much. They are extended family to him and all of us.
Ashlee has became such a responsible smart young woman, it's hard not to see her as the sweet little girl that she was when I first met her.
Heather just started her 3rd year away from home at college. I am so proud of her, even though I miss her terribly. She is doing good.
This is Ashlee with all my kids. We love them and really they love us back just as much.

**Note, I could not find good photos of Mary and Alan, their parents, but we love them too. :)

Top 20 Things

Top Ten, no 20 Favorite Things

1. Fried Green Tomatoes
2. The stand up wire/mesh Laundry baskets (but mine are all wore out)
3. The computer (desk top and laptop)
4. The new sprayer on the kitchen sink
5. Tide Laundry soap but it HAS to be Clean Breeze scent, with the matching Downy Softener sheets
6. My camera (Canon Digital EOS Rebel xti :))
7. McDonald's Sweet Tea (they actually know my name there!)
8. My crock pot
9. My Mom's Group (wonderful ladies there and good friends)
10. Swifter Sweeper - I can not believe that I actually swept my floor with a broom before this! That thing is great! Cat hair goes right to it, like glue. It's amazing!
11. Bags - I love bags, canvas, leather, handbags it really does not matter and I seriously can not have too many. And I use them. I carry around so many I am officially known as the bag lady around here. But, such is life...
12. The Coffee Pot - I make sweet tea in the coffee pot, not coffee.
13. The Ped Egg - That thing is just as good as a pedicure and for the $10 you pay at Walgreen's for the Ped Egg, you save so much money going for pedicures, especially when I walk around barefoot all the time, ruining the pedicure!
14. Ink Pens - I have this obsession with ink pens, every time I go to the store, I buy ink pens. I guess if there is ever a shortage on ink pens, I got your back! Lord knows we will never be able to use them all. And I carry a bunch around with me too. Damn OCD!!
15. Quilts - They are so much better than just regular blankets. They are so country. I just love them.
16. Yankee Candles - It seems that these smell the best and last the longest. I really think that they are worth the money. And Geez...they sure cost.
17. Winnie the Pooh
18. Lighthouses - I collect them. I have a rather large collection of lighthouses. All over my house. They have meaning for me about being lost and being lead the way back by the light. Not like the Poltergeist or anything, but in a good way.
19. My Hair Dryer - Without it, my hair would be a frizzy nightmare. Some days it still is.
AND
20. Clumping Cat Litter - That's all I can say. Clumping Cat Litter!!

What are some of your favorite things?? Or maybe things that you absolutely abhor??

My family Sticker...

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

I could totally get addicted to these fun sites!!

Smokey's Chicken Suit!!

Smokey's Chicken Suit!!
Originally uploaded by fuzzybunny2

We totally pissed off the cat tonight by putting this chicken suit on him. I had to give him lots of treats to talk to me again. I guess we can forget about him actually wearing it for Halloween. Oh, well, it was a good laugh this evening at the poor cat's expense.

The ultimate gift of organ donation

Are you a registered organ donor? I believe very strongly that this is a simple thing that we can do in death for the sake of another person, another family. Organ donation saves lives. I would seriously hope that if one of my kids needed an organ and I could not give it to them that because of someone else's kindness and grace my child would be able to live. When I die, I want to be able to do that for someone else. Certainly when you die, you aren't going to need your organs in Heaven, the afterlife or whatever you believe in. I have researched this and in my opinion, it is the best thing that we can do. It is a way to help save a life, but it is also a small way for part of you to go on in someone else. The link below is to a site that allows you to register to be an organ donor, because sometimes it just being on your drivers license is not enough. Please give it some thought.

http://www.donatelife.net/CommitToDonation/index.php

Little Miss No Name

When I was growing up, my MaMaw had this doll. Well, she still has it. That doll was the toy that all the Grandkids and now the Great-Grandkids talk about. I used to play with that doll all the time. Dress and undress it. Carry it around like a baby. And, I have to tell you, I think that doll is probably the ugliest doll I have ever seen! Truly, it is. This doll has a burlap dress under the little jacket that my MaMaw crocheted for it. It's just creepy looking. Infact, when Dustin was young, he was terrified of that doll. He's not the only Great Grandchild that has been afraid of it either. But no matter how ugly that doll is, it is always a part of going to MaMaw's house.

Look at those eyes, tell me, is that not the creepiest doll you have ever seen? But secretly, I want that doll.

Quote

I think the best quote I have ever heard was:

"Resentment is like poison you swallow and pray that the other person dies."

I'm not sure where I heard that, maybe on Oprah. But it is always something I have tried to remember. And when I think about it, it just seems so true. Resentment can hurt you so much more than the other person.
I don't know what the point was in sharing that, just thought it is worth pondering.

Do you have any favorite quotes you'd like to share?

FW: Forgiving Your Enemies

Forgiving Your Enemies Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied. "Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?" The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

And then the music played

My favorite song of all time is Into The Mystic by Van Morrison. Whenever I hear it, I have to stop to listen. It is so relaxing to me. It's strange to me that no matter what kind of mood I am in, I can listen to this song and be a bit more at ease.
So, tell me, is there a song that does this for you? In the middle of your hectic day, you can hear it and it calms you?
Music really is theraputic sometimes.





Not sure if the link to the song is working, but am working on it. Well, actually Christina is helping me work on it :)

**Christina rocks!! She got the code for the song to work, so you can actually hear the song now if you click on the link. THANK YOU CHRISTINA**

Ahead of myself

All day yesterday I was thinking that today was Friday! It wasn't until I was talking with my friend this morning that she told me today was Thursday NOT Friday. It completely burst my bubble! I was so happy for the weekend. Well, tomorrow is actually Friday and it can not come soon enough. Today was a long day and I get to do it again tomorrow.
Until next time...

Wanted: More Photos

I have concluded that I have not been taking enough photos of the kids. I have this wonderful camera (Digital Cannon EOS xti) with an extra zoom lens. A high dollar camera, and I barely use it. I always forget to take it with me or am too lazy to carry it around all the time. Well, I have decided that I am going to make a more conscious effort to use the darn thing. And I really love taking photos. I have totes full of photos from film that I totally gave up trying to scan into the computer. So, starting tomorrow, I am going to be taking more photos, the kids are going to hate seeing that camera before I'm done!
I will post some maybe this weekend.

Why I love the weekends...

A typical day:

5:00-6:00am - get out of bed, shower, get ready to go to work, etc
6:00am - Wake kids up and get them started for the day. Dressed, breakfast, teeth brushed, hair fixed, out the door. Does everyone have everything?
7:00am - leave house to take the older boys to school
7:30-9:00 am - have to be at work at one of my jobs, different day, different job thru the week
2:00-5:00 pm - it depends what day it is as to what time I get off work
2:30pm - pick up Myles from school
Pick Luke up from daycare somewhere in this time or do grocery shopping while waiting to get Dustin
4:45pm - pick Dustin up from school
5:00pm - Myles baseball practice
6:00pm - Dustin swimming practice
6:30 - Myles practice over
7:30pm - Dustin's practice over
Drive home, check homework that has been completed in the van, waiting for the other kid to get out of practice or school.
Sometimes we have dinner out, sometimes I still have to make dinner when we get home while the kids are getting ready for bed.
9:00pm - all kids go to bed
I do some homework, clean up the kitchen, do some laundry, whatever else needs to get done for the day
11:00-11:30pm - I go to bed to start all over in the morning!

On the weekend, Myles will usually have a game on Saturday until the end of September when baseballl is over. And Dustin will have swim meets thrown in on the weekends too. But on the weekend, I don't have to drive around as much. I also work on my homework a lot on the weekends. And of course, I am able to stay connected to the internet via laptop when I am not at home, which feels like I'm rarely at home. I'd really like a vacation from life sometimes. How does one go about arranging that??
No wonder I feel so stressed out all the time.

Another week, too much to do

Another LONG week ahead. I have tons of work to do, actually at work. I have huge assignments due for school this week. Myles has baseball practice and not one, but two games this week. I have to take the boys back and forth to school. Sheesh! I'm barely going to have time to breathe this week. And I'm already tired and the week just started.

A journey in Internetland

Isn't it amazing how you can get so attached to your computer? I sit in front of mine and check blogs reading about other people's lives, posting on a mom's group that I have "met" several women that I actually consider my friends although we have never met, doing my school work online, browsing the Internet. I could go on and on. It is also just as amazing to me that being online can be so stressful with people that you have never personally met and yet have felt so close to.
There was recently an uproar in a group that I belong to that has had me thinking this week about friends, loyalty, and cyberspace. This particular uproar caused great stress for me and quite a few others that I talk to online. It even got me temporarily banned from my mom's group (not a very good feeling) through misunderstanding and maybe a lack of communication. I must add for reference that I do LOVE the mom's group and the wonderful ladies there that have shared experiences and support.
It's hard to feel pressure in life and then also through your computer screen. But, all is well in Internetland this morning. I am happy that there really are friends out there that understand me and I do consider friends despite the fact that we live miles apart and have yet to meet up, close in person. Maybe some day. I can only hope.

Oh what a day...

Today on my way home from work, I notice that my van is making a weird noise. So, I go to the oil shop that changes my oil all the time (they are wonderful there) and all the guys are looking at my van right away and says "wow, you're leaking coolant". Looks under the hood and says "yep, you need a radiator." That's just great! Exactly what I did not want to hear. Damn van! Damn radiator! Damn Monday! Oh, it's not even Monday. What was I thinking? Long day.
I drive directly home from the oil shop, and find Buck with a terrible toothache. He's miserable. Poor thing, a toothache hurts so bad. And my van is messed up. I work part time at a junk yard, but my boss needs the radiator to make sure that the parts match up. So tomorrow, Buck is supposed to take the radiator off and I will take it in to see if my boss can match it up with something we have at the yard. But, if his tooth hurts too bad, he's really not going to feel like doing that. And I am going to try to get him into the oral surgeons, but tomorrow, of course is Saturday and I don't even know if he can get into the office for that tomorrow or have to wait until Monday.
What a great day.

Another year older

I remember a time when 33 seemed so old! Now, I know it's really not, but it sure feels like it some days (well, ok, a lot of days). My birthday is today. 33. Yeah.......
Not really excited about it. Really, it's just another day. Maybe we will go out to dinner, but we've already went out twice this week for dinner, so I don't know about that.

Summer is officially over!

OK, I was all ready for school to start, yes. And now I am rushing around like a crazy woman (not that I wasn't already a crazy woman!) after school, eye doctor, store, dinner, baseball practice, and then we did not even get home until 8:15pm and Luke is already supposed to be in bed by then and Myles is supposed to be in bed by then too! Dustin takes an hour shower, which I still can not figure out. I mean, really...He takes longer showers than I do. He's a boy. Hour showers?? Hmmm.

Smokey, the cat with an attitude

I got smokey when he was five weeks old. He's ten years old now, and has such an attitude! It's funny, but then sometimes it's really not. He has to sleep with one of us. He usually makes his way around with each of the kids and then ends up sleeping with me. Last night, he kept me up half the night. He lays across my legs and no matter how many times I move him, he's right back a few minutes later. Even after being catapulted off the bed, he comes right back.
How dare you, I was sleeping there!
And after keeping me up all night, I get up this morning and he's howling at me to fill his food bowl, now! I couldn't even go pee first. I am beginning to think maybe he is just a spoiled old man cat. I think that's it.
But he's like one of my kids.

Ahhhh, School starts...

My boys go back to school tomorrow. I'm glad. They have fought most of the summer and when they were not fighting, they were complaining about one thing or another. They just need to get back into the routine of school, homework and activities. I will be doing more running around chauffering kids, but that's how it goes. I'm sure that most moms are happy, although a little sad to see the kids go back to school. I can't believe that the summer went by so fast. It's the middle of August already! Next thing I know it will be Christmas. I'm so not ready for that yet.

What happened?

So last night when we got home from dinner, we played baseball with Luke, which he loved. I was taking some photos of him. Then B took the camera and snapped a few shots of me. OMG!! I look so fat. No, really, I do. I look all puffy. I could not believe it when I saw those photos. I obviously did not realize this. I mean I look in the mirror everyday when I am getting dressed and doing my hair, but to see me in a photo, I look fat. I don't know when this happened. And I don't know what to do about it. But seriously, I have to do something.

Needless to say, those photos got erased. No more photos allowed!

Sometimes, I wish I could slow time...

I can barely believe that my baby, my last baby, is going to be five years old in a couple months. He's grown so fast. I don't know where the time has gone. Lately, he has started kissing me like all the time. He will come to me many times throughout the day just to give me a kiss and say 'I love you, Mom.' It's so sweet. My second boy does this too, but Luke just recently started this. And he has such a good personality and just happy. I can't believe that he's going to be five soon. And those eyes, oh my, up close, he has the longest beautiful eye lashes.

I love you, my Lukey Bear! :)

Finally Friday!!

This week has been exhausting. Work. The kids. The boys fighting as the norm. School is starting next week for the boys. I have had a ton of school work to do, myself. I'm so glad it's Friday! I can't remember the last time I was so happy to see a Friday come. I have actually been counting down since Tuesday. Hopefully Luke will sleep in a little in the morning and let me sleep in as well. I still have two large assignments due for Sunday, so I will be trying to focus on that this weekend and the Mount Everest of laundry waiting for somebody to wash it. I was hoping it would just magically wash by itself, but I know that isn't gonna happen. Just wishful thinking.
Ever have those days that you just want to stay in bed? For like, maybe a week strait!

Just a funny

This made me laugh!

Blah...

I am at work and well, I should be working, but I am having the worst time lately getting motivated. I could sit on the computer all day and get nothing done! I had two new classes start last week and I can not get motivated to read the material, nothing! I feel really tired all the time. And, no, I am not pregnant! Depressed, maybe. There is just so much going on all the time, and the kids start back to school on the 20th and then I will be driving twice as much as I do now, and I drive A LOT. And then Myles will have fall baseball starting soon. And Dustin will be starting swimming. I just want to stay home for about a week and not leave the house, but I don't think that would help me feel better either. I just need to get motivated. Any suggestions on how to do that??

Really...What was I thinking?

A little over two years ago, my friend's Gramma called me to ask if I could take her for her Coumadin test. OMG, I wish I just told her no then! She is blind, so she can not drive. She calls me for everything!! I know that it must sound mean, but this old lady is making me crazy. I do not have time for this. I do her grocery shopping, I pay her bills, I take her to the doctor, I take care of everything for her! Her husband is in a nursing home. And get this, her daughter lives near by and does nothing!
I have said many times that I am not doing this anymore and that her daughter will just have to take care of her, but then well, her daughter's car broke down and she does not have a phone and a whole list of reasons that she can not take care of her mother! I swear I am gonna lose it if she calls me one more time this afternoon. She calls me when I am at work. If I do not answer the phone, well she calls so many times that I have to answer the phone to tell her to stop calling me. She thinks that I am just supposed to drop everything and come running over there when she needs something or wants something. And did I mention that she lives about 45 minutes from me? Well, I do not have time for this.
She is not my responsibility. I have three kids, I work two jobs, I go to school full time, I am in a relationship, and I DO NOT HAVE TIME!!! What does she not understand about that. I swear, she has no consideration for me. Just what can I do for her. I know this sounds harsh, but it's true. This old lady fully has her wits about her and she is manipulative. And I am such a sucker. I should have stopped this a long time ago, but then I feel bad that she has no one else to take care of her. But does her daughter feel bad, NO! Not one bit. So why do I? Why should I have to do everything for her when she has a daughter that lives around here and can help out, but there's a thousand excuses that she can not do it, but I am supposed to. I know that I am being taken advantage of, but then I still feel bad.
I have flipped out on her a few times and told her that she is not my responsibility and that I am not going to be doing these things anymore, and then she starts crying, "I know I'm a burden, I'm sorry. But I don't have anyone else, Bonny. You're the only one I have to depend on...." It just makes me sick! Today, well actually since yesterday she has been calling me like 100 times, because she needs groceries and she needs cigarettes, and her TV is messed up. I have said a million times don't wait until you are totally out of something to call me. I can not just run over there! But does she listen, no. She has no cigarettes and she is freaking out, and I don't have the time to go running over there. Really, I don't want to either. It is not my problem. She is not my problem. I have three kids. Three! I don't need this. And I have told her that I think that she needs to go to the nursing home to be by her husband, she won't even think about it. I think because they won't let her just sit around and smoke all day long. But, really, I am no relation to her, and her daughter does not want to take care of her and there is no one else around here to take care of her. It would be a different story if this were my MaMaw, but it's not!
Why should it be my responsibility? If she went to the nursing home they would provide her with meals, they would wash her hair, they would take care of her medical needs, she wouldn't have any bills to pay, and it would be so much easier for me. B has told me more times than I can count that I need to cut the old lady off! But then I feel bad. I am in a terrible situation with this and don't know what to do about it. But she is making me crazy!!

Ugh!

OMG! I get a phone call this morning. My storage shed was flooded from the storm on Monday! And I just get a phone call today. There was 24 inches of water in there. I had most of the stuff in plastic storage totes, but a couple boxes got wet and ruined, and then I got to the last two totes and they were completely full of water. Of course they had the boys baby stuff in them and photos and paperwork! Their outfits they came home from the hospital in. First Christmas stockings and outfits. UGH! I was so upset. I don't remember putting those on the bottom, but I was not the only one putting stuff in there.
So, I spent the day cleaning up that mess and moving stuff around and washing the wet clothes! Not a great day.

My oldest

I don't know where I'm going with this one. While scanning the old photos, my oldest son looks back smiling in almost every photo. Happy even. That's a rare sighting these days. He is so darn crabby. He's not happy about anything. It's driving me crazy. I can't believe this is my kid. He is constantly complaining about EVERYTHING. I swear everything. I try to do things for him that I know he will like or want, and he still manages to complain or find something wrong with it. This past weekend, he found a car model that was put up until he was older. Well, he wanted to put it together, so he needed glue and paints, so I drove into town to go to Walmart for what he wanted. I was only going for his things, and I had to go by the mailbox to drop some bills and he was huffing and complaining...This does not look like Walmart to me! I couldn't believe it! I drove all the way up there for him, and he's crabbing that I had to go by the mailbox! What the heck is wrong with him?? I really hope that this is just a phase he is going through. I mean, he is 12 almost 13. I realize that this age is difficult, but jeez, give me a break.

I just can't believe that this is my kid! Please whoever took my smiling first born, please return his former self.

Missing happy smiles, please return!